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I don’t know what’s worse: being single or receiving the most terrible advice in regards to being single. While the advice that’s been given to me has been all over the place, the majority of it has been pretty bad. Whether they’re demanding I go through his phone or switch up my wardrobe, every bit of it has been memorable. After an absolutely dreadful first date where the guy basically told me he was planning our futures together (creepy, much?), I totally shut it down and went about my day.
What’s the point of dating if your whole relationship has to stick with this little timeline? Everyone thought I was crazy for turning down some guy who “ obviously cared about me.” Unfortunately, I have to disagree. After the first date, that guy didn’t care about me at all – he cared about the idea of me. Those are two vastly different concepts. Caring about me would be trying to get to know me, understand me on a deeper level, and wanting the relationship to flow at a natural pace. Caring about the idea of me means that he’s not really interested in a mutual understanding, he just wants to jump head first in a relationship and drag me around his family parties like a show pony.
No thanks. The thing about dating is that it really is a game of hit-or-miss. I once went on a date with a really awesome guy. He was smart and funny, I just wasn’t into him. That’s a totally reasonable excuse to not pursue anything further. I was utterly shocked when I was told that I had set my bar too high and that maybe I was just being shallow. If there isn’t a connection, there simply isn’t connection. You can’t force yourself to be interested in someone. I don’t think there will ever be a more blatant example of setting yourself up for failure than this right here.
Human beings aren’t designed to be attracted to everyone! If we were, really shitty genes would get passed down to future generations. I will be more than happy to wait for someone I have real chemistry with. One of my favorites: “You should start dressing nicer and maybe you’ll meet someone.” How could I have been so blind before?!
If only I showed up to my 8:00 class looking like I’m headed to a five star dinner, men would flock to me at every turn! While part of me understands that first impressions are everything, the other part of me really doesn’t understand why there is such a social obligation for me to look like a Cosmo model when I go grocery shopping.
Clothing is an extension of expressing yourself, and if a guy doesn’t like my combat boots, then it was simply for the best that we never dated. Even when I was in a committed relationship, I still managed to receive some of the most mangled and dreadful advice ever.
I’m sure everyone has heard this tidbit: “Why don’t you just go through their phone?” Jealousy can lead a person to do some cray-cray things, but sneaking a peek into their cell is breaking almost as many privacy rules as their secret conversations . Once you get the crazy urge to act on this God awful advice, you need to take a step back and initiate the conversation.
No one is saying it’s easy to sit down and talk about your suspicions, but it is necessary to preserve as much trust as possible. Once you betray his trust and sneak through his phone, it will be hard for him to forget that. If you find any questionable convos, it will be hard for you to listen to what he has to say. Needless to say, this bit of advice did not do me any good…seeing as we are no longer together!
Perhaps one of the best of the worst pieces of advice would be to always offer up a second chance. In some situations, this might actually work!
Like, if he forgot your birthday or moved to a different state. There could not be any worse advice to take if he cheated on you or was abusive in any way. I’ve slipped up and accepted an unworthy ex back into my life, but when the damage is done the relationship will always fail.
Needless to say, not all advice is created equal. Actually, more often than not, advice in regards to your romantic life tends to be pretty terrible. The only person who can give you advice about your own situation is you. Accept the bad advice with the good, but stick to your guns and do what’s best for you.
best relationship and dating advice ever - What is the best relationship advice related to either being single, dating, in a relationship, engagement, marriage, etc.?
Get ready to read the best relationship advice | iStock.com Relationships are hard. They take a lot of dedication, focus, and work. to settle down with can often feel like a very frustrating game of chance. And even when you do find the right one, you’ll still have your work cut out for you as you make an effort to maintain your relationship. If you’re looking for a little guidance when it comes to love, you’ve come to the right place. The Cheat Sheet spoke with eight top relationship experts to get some of their best advice.
So pull up a chair and read on for more. 1. Take it easy The best relationship advice I’ve ever gotten, and that I give, is “easy does it.” Too often we get caught up in fear-based needs to control our partner. This pull becomes a destructive compulsion that corrodes the integrity of the relationship. It replaces respect and compassion with anger and resentment. It destroys the quality of our lives and over time, the relationship.
This advice impacted the way I approach romantic relationships in that I allowed for a lot more space, which in turn allowed for less reactivity, more peace, happiness, and respect. The classic struggle of all relationships is finding the right calculus in the togetherness-and-autonomy equation.
Typically, when a relationship is under stress, one of the partners asks for physical space to break the tension. This is suboptimal. The best way to incorporate space is by being proactive and providing emotional rather than physical space. To do this, partners need to allow each other the space to be themselves and to have their experiences without trying to control the outcome or think that you are responsible for their lives and reaction.
It’s hard work and takes practice, but the rewards are well worth the effort. , J.D. licensed marriage and family therapist and senior clinical adviser to . 2. Give 90% Gail Saltz | Source: Dr. Gail Saltz My parents advised what they did in their own marriage: “both of you always think about giving 90% to your partner and you both will be very happy.” They meant it’s so important to think about how your partner is feeling, to stand in their shoes, to be giving and compromising, and emotionally generous.
That 10% is for the understanding that sometimes it’s also OK to be a bit selfish, to place your needs first, or stand firm on something. They also made clear that this only works if you are both giving 90%.
I just celebrated my 26th wedding anniversary. I definitely think about my spouse’s needs and feelings the majority of the time and try to be compromising. In return I feel he is 90% thinking of me and how to consider my feelings and be supportive and loving. Sometimes this means giving something up, but actually most times this means we both get what we want and we both feel very loved, supported, and that we are in each other’s corner. I don’t feel afraid to be giving, because he really has my best interests at heart.
We are a terrific team and often we agree on what we want. And when we don’t, we tend to take turns supporting the other’s wants. , is a clinical associate professor of psychiatry at New York Presbyterian’s . She has partnered with Tylenol on the new #HowWeFamily program and national study to share more information about the modern American family. For more information visit 3. You are responsible for your own happiness Couple lying on the sand | Thinkstock.com It’s not my partner’s job to make me happy.
It’s my job to make me happy. Of course it’s easy to feel good when my partner is acting in a way that I want —but needing them to be a certain way in order for me to feel good —that’s bondage. Thinking that they’re always going to be in a good mood and directing their affectionate attention towards me — while that may be possible during the initial stage of a relationship, is impossible to sustain long-term.
I’m responsible for my happiness. My partner is responsible for her happiness. We deliberately focus on things to feel good in our lives and for things to appreciate in one another.
If you’re looking for someone to complete you —or vice versa—you’re looking in the wrong direction for the lasting happiness, wholeness, and fulfillment that you truly seek. Wouldn’t it be better if you could find a way to feel how you want to feel regardless of what you’re partner is saying or doing?
This advice transformed every relationship in my life – not just the romantic ones. Before I knew these things, I was unintentionally holding my partner responsible for my happiness. When I learned that I’m responsible for my own happiness and when I learned how to consistently align with it, my entire world transformed.
I now have the freedom to choose if and when I spend time with someone else, and I deliberately choose to spend time with others who get this, too. My relationships are more meaningful, more loving, more free, and most importantly – more fun!
And my overall happiness continues to grow, too, regardless of whether I’m in a relationship or not. Jeff Bear, life coach and founder of . 4. Stop waiting and live your life Lisa Steadman | Source: Lisa Steadman When I was single and stressed about finding love, my good friend, Scott, a confirmed bachelor, told me this. He said, “Lisa, you need to calm down, chill out, and stop expecting love to be here already. Your sense of entitlement is killing your ability to attract a good man.” When I realized he was right, I stopped waking up every day feeling angry that love hadn’t found me yet.
I stopped being resentful that my friends were married and having lives that felt out of reach to me. I stopped feeling like my life was on hold. As cliché as it sounds, I stopped waiting and started living. Overnight, my outlook changed. My results changed, too. I started meeting men wherever I went. I went on dates, had fun, didn’t give my heart away foolishly, and met my husband. I knew he was The One when he told me, “I’ve always been too nice for the naughty girls and too naughty for the nice ones.” That had been my experience with men.
My advice for singles who are struggling in their search is to look within and ask themselves what part of their own life still needs work. When you clean up your side of the street, you make room for a perfectly imperfect person to see you, celebrate you, and love you. And remember that Mr. Right [or Ms. Right] will not be perfect, but will be perfect for you, just as you’ll be perfectly imperfect for him [or her].
, relationship expert and author of . 5. Love yourself Couple in bed | iStock.com You can’t love anyone more than your willingness to love yourself. Through this advice I learned about the importance of caring for my mind, body, and spirit.
I liken love to the oxygen mask on a plane. You have to apply it to yourself before applying it to the person next to you. This advice improved my chances of winning my wife’s hand in marriage. She was searching for true love. She wanted someone to spend the rest of her life with. Conveying to her that I loved myself signaled that I could be a pillar of strength and compassion.
Paul C. Brunson, matchmaker and author of . 6. Don’t put boundaries on others Smiling couple | Thinkstock.com You can’t put boundaries on someone else—only yourself. If someone is treating you badly, you can’t change their behavior. But you can ask yourself why you accept it and how you can put a boundary on yourself so that you won’t accept it again.
It made me take more responsibility for my role in bad relationships. Instead of feeling like a victim of circumstance, I was empowered to reject bad treatment and choose a different person. Also, [remember that] life is a self-fulfilling prophesy. If you believe you are undeserving of happiness, love and prosperity, that’s what the universe will give you. , relationship expert and author of .
7. Sometimes love is where you’d least expect it Hunt Ethridge | Source: Martha Swann The hottest, most fun, sexiest, interesting, growth-stimulating, spontaneous, most romantic, most eye-opening relationships or experiences all were not with people that I thought I would end up with. Just because a relationship has a shelf life doesn’t mean you shouldn’t enter into it. This advice allowed me to enjoy each interaction for what it was and not try to make it something it wasn’t.
And at the end of the day, our life is just a conglomeration of memories and I have many happy memories to think on. This gives me the freedom to experience all life has to offer! Other good advice: “Always be unexpected.” This doesn’t have to be in grand gestures, but predictability in a relationship = boring = death of romance. Worst Advice?
“Don’t worry, it’ll happen.” If I wanted to learn French, if someone told me “Don’t worry, it’ll happen,” how stupid does that sound?! Dating is a skill set like every other and you get out of it what you put into it. , certified dating coach.
8. Put in some effort Happy couple | Source: Thinkstock First, you simply must put time and energy into dating. A combination of online dating and socializing (perhaps including speed dating or singles mixers) is ideal. And second, you must go about dating the right way—from a positive attitude and an effective online dating profile (I can help you with that at ) to behavior on dates and communication with potential partners.
If your approach to finding love is waiting for it to just come along, you’re taking a huge risk and will probably be single for a long time. , dating and relationship expert and author of .
Bragging Rights: Love=Mc2 A funny and intentionally clinical approach to the jungle of relationships, Science of Relationships comes from the perspective of five psychologists and their awesome guest bloggers.
Articles like “Do People Get Better Looking When the Bar is About to Close?” bring a scrutinized view to often stale subjects. Social Clout: 4,201+ likes, 711+ followers URL: http://www.scienceofrelationships.com/ Bragging Rights: Love, Loss and Lessons Learned Embracing love, overcoming loss and moving forward are the goals of My Pixie Blog.
Created by a funny and thoughtful woman named Charlotte, this relationship blog dishes out advice that’s often as much about loving food as it is about loving men. Important factors like honesty, patience and realistic relationship goals are all explored in a unique and honest way. Social Clout: 1,734+ followers, 175+ likes URL: http://mypixieblog.com/ Bragging Rights: “Stop the miseducation” Realistic Relationships is a site created by Guy Blews, a relationship expert who once thought if he wasn’t married with children by 30, then something was wrong with him.
Blews, the author of “Marriage & How to Avoid It,” believes in relationships, but he strives to provide people with an alternative look into what a relationship can be. Trust us, he has strong opinions about every dating subject. Social Clout: 7,821+ followers, 72+ likes URL: http://www.realisticrelationships.com/ Bragging Rights: Love is just around the corner Dr. Diana Kirschner’s “Love in 90 Days” blog offers a road map through the pitfalls of relationships in the digital age.
The psychologist and bestselling author speaks her mind on a variety of topics geared toward the female experience, such as “How Darlene Got Over Her Narcissistic Ex” and “Dating Success Over 40.” Social Clout: 16,661+ likes, 1,607+ followers URL: http://lovein90days.com/ Bragging Rights: An extraordinary love, an extraordinary life Lyndra Antonson brings her viewpoint and advice to both those in a committed relationship and those who are still seeking one.
Content like “Life Lessons From Our Dog” brings a new approach to discussing love and loyalty, and tips for “How Your Self-Confidence Can Make or Break Your Relationship” offer tightly-focused advice and confidence-building techniques. Social Clout: 710+ followers, 330+ likes URL: http://www.loverelationshipcoach.com/ Bragging Rights: Blogging – a woman’s way BlogHer brings a more mature and focused angle with sharp content, including “Striking The Balance Between ‘Me’ and ‘We.’” With a steady stream of interesting columnists, like Awkward Girl in the City and a roster of BlogHer moms, the site strikes a nice balance between dating then and dating now.
Which approach will you take? Social Clout: 73,760+ followers, 32,799+ likes URL: http://www.blogher.com/ Bragging Rights: Everyone can have a happy ending Alisa Bowman’s blog offers a wide selection of articles on dating, though the main focus is landing Mr.Right and keeping him.
A lot of the focus is also placed on marriage, where readers can turn to a five-year archive of information on everything from first date jitters to building serious trust. Getting the relationship you want is worth kissing a lot of frogs.
Social Clout: 5,905+ followers, 1,536+ likes URL: http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/ Bragging Rights: What men really think SeriouslyMaybe makes no bones about it, they offer “a look at relationships from the subjective male’s perspective,” with sections on cheating, playing the field and pet peeves. Sex is widely covered but not the overriding focus. There’s always a simple and stylish approach to every discussion, especially in articles like “The Biology of Bad Boys.” Social Clout: 200+ likes, 47+ followers URL: http://seriously-maybe.com/ Bragging Rights: Building strong relationships With a sharp focus on commitment and growing romantic partnerships, the advice on Relationship Repair ranges from how to be honest while dating, to choosing love over fear.
The experts also offer guidance for breaking up when the end has arrived and avoiding a clingy relationship. Whatever it is you’re looking for, you’re sure to find it here. URL: http://www.relationshiprepair.net/ Bragging Rights: The funny side of relationships Susan Derry and Dallas Munholm offer ponderings on love – with a flare for the funny. Serious thought is given to every blog post, including how to criticize your partner with finesse and de-cluttering your relationship.
The life coaches also explore the benefits of seeking counseling and learning to forgive. URL: http://improvingrelationships.blogspot.com/ Featured photo source: bestofyoutoday.com. Disclaimer: Great efforts are made to maintain reliable data on all offers presented. However, this data is provided without warranty. Users should always check the offer provider’s official website for current terms and details. Our site receives compensation from many of the offers listed on the site.
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