Manage A Long Distance Relationship With A Fold Apart. Dean (19.12.2018 21:54:00 ). Ссылка: A Fold Apart.
Big news recently – I got engaged a few weeks ago! It’s obviously a very exciting time of life, and I’ve gotten a lot of questions about what it’s like to be engaged as a medical student. Considering that there are at least 12 people in my class who are engaged (Class of 2017) and even more in other classes here at USCSOMG, I’ll attempt to answer some of the most common questions I’ve heard about engagement during medical school : • How many people have a significant other during medical school?
Well, in my class (Class of 2017, 54 students), I count 14 classmates who are currently married, and another 12 of us who are engaged. Together, that’s about half of my class. And there are a whole lot of other people who are in dating relationships.
These statistics could be an abnormality unique to my class, but I know there are many students in the other classes here at USCSOMG who are dating, engaged, or married, too. So maybe dating during medical school isn’t as unusual as you might think…. • How do you even have time to date someone during medical school??? Well, I’d say it’s all about making time for what matters to you. Whether that’s making time to visit family, to exercise, or to have a boyfriend/girlfriend, you’ll figure out how to make time for the important things.
There may be days or weeks that are harder to do that than others (for example, test week is almost never a good time for a date), but there are plenty of good times to have fun outside of school if you plan it right (for example, post-test weekends are the best time for dating).
And it is entirely possible to see your significant other frequently if you make time for it – I currently see my fiancé at least every other day, and if we can’t see each other in person then we talk on the phone. Contrary to popular belief, medical school doesn’t require you to live in a cave and never see other people. • What about long-distance relationships during medical school? See #2. It’s all about priorities, communication, and time-management.
• What are the best date ideas for someone dating a medical student? Anything that doesn’t involve studying. Some of my classmates love relaxing and watching movies with their boyfriend/girlfriend to de-stress, and others love getting outside to run or hike together. Admittedly, though, thoughtful surprises during a stressful week of medical school are always appreciated!
When they make dinner so you can eat together, that’s pretty great. • Do you practice your clinical skills on your boyfriend/girlfriend? No, I don’t. He’s more than willing to help quiz me on my pharmacology flashcards, and listening to him try to pronounce “podophyllotoxin” is suffering enough. • How do you even have time to plan a wedding? If you got into medical school, chances are that you’re a pretty type-A, organized, diligent person already. Wedding planning uses those same skills.
Don’t worry, you’ll be fine – it’s the same time-management skills you’ll be using day in and day out during medical school. Personally, I like to use my wedding planning time as a reward for getting through scheduled study time for the day. • Does it matter what kind of engagement ring you get, because you are going to be a doctor? No, you’ll probably have to take off your ring a lot anyway during procedures in the hospital because a ring isn’t sterile, so it doesn’t matter that much.
However, a lower setting for your ring might be easier for those times when you quickly pull on exam gloves to palpate skin or touch a rash. • When is the best time to get married during medical school? Most of my classmates have scheduled their weddings over summer breaks after first and second year, simply because that is when we have the longest breaks during our academic calendar.
However, some classmates have gotten married over Christmas break, Labor Day weekend, and even during a normal weekend between rotations during 3 rd year. There are plenty of options of wedding dates for those who want to be more creative. • Does anyone have kids during medical school? Yes! There are several students at our school who have children.
I think most of them treat medical school as a job, and they make sure that they leave by dinnertime every day. The rest of us love it when they bring their kids for a visit to school for an evening special speaker or for another event. • Are you getting married “just to get him/her to pay your bills”? Yes, this is a real question that one of my classmates has been asked!!
And of course the answer is no, although anyone who marries a medical student has to realize that they are taking on a whole lot of student loans and a very time-demanding career – dating or marrying you is a big commitment for them, too.
Rachel Nelson I’m originally from Brentwood, Tennessee, and I came to South Carolina to attend college at Furman University where I was a music major, outdoor enthusiast and lover of life. I never expected to spend four more years here in Greenville, but I could not be more excited to have the opportunity to stay and be a part of this incredible program at the USC School of Medicine in Greenville! I hope that through this blog you will be able to see, as I did, a glimpse of the inspiring vision and stunning reality of this medical school, and that you will share in our innovative and hands-on journey to becoming tomorrow’s doctors.
best dating during medical school long distance relationships - 5 keys to a successful long
Today’s inane image of the day: The front-side of a card Mike sent me. Isn’t it the sweetest thing ever?! [I apologize that this was prematurely published last night… but here’s the full version of the post!] Being in medical school really drives a huge stake into all of your relationships, not only your romantic ones. When you start the journey that we call medical education, suddenly you’re always preoccupied with studying [for that exam in 2 weeks], medically-related facts and just trying to get by.
Because of this, all [or most] of your attention, focus and energy shifts away from everyone [and sometimes everything] else in your life.
Even when you do find a moment [like the day after an exam] to turn your attention to family, a significant other or friends, it seems that you always end up bringing up how fascinating a patient with is [aside: I read “ The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat” quite a number of years ago and didn’t quite get it — now, I understand the true weight of the novel’s narrative and plan on rereading it]. “REALLY?! Is medicine all you can talk about?!” Your family/significant other/friend exclaims.
As you turn red with embarrassment at the outburst, you ask about that cruise ship that recently ran into trouble just to change the subject. [Maybe this last part hasn’t happened to all of us, but it could happen.] Anyway, as I mentioned in my post featuring , it’s really important to keep in touch with your loved ones.
I should have expanded on this and said that it’s important to maintain relationships because in the grand scheme of things, your family/significant other/friends make up a huge part of your support network. When times get tough, you will inevitably rely on these individuals to help you pull through. Moreover, if you don’t sustain the strength of this network then you’ll suddenly feel very lonely once you’re finally done with the training part of medical school and can enjoy your glamorous life as a physician [just kidding about the “glamorous” part — it’s still grueling but a different kind].
All of this begs the question, “What can I do to maintain my relationships?” As promised, this is a list of tips for long distance romantic relationships, but most of these tips also apply to maintaining relationships in general.
Effective communication Everyone always harps on this whole communication thing and with good reason. Any interaction with people requires effective communication, period. Otherwise, frustration and stress ensues. So what can you do to be effective? • Start with effective listening. Focus your attention 100% on the speaker and show that you’re actually interested in the subject. When you’re on the phone, don’t give into the lure of trying to multitask.
Also, try not to interrupt the speaker or try to conjure up the next thing to say. Silence doesn’t have to be awkward, so let it slip in here and there. • Awareness. I do believe that women tend to be better at picking up and interpreting certain inflections of tone than men, but that men are very capable of learning how to pick these hints up.
Sometimes, what is said in between the lines is actually more important than the lines themselves. Try to pick up on these little indications [but don’t look too deep!
sometimes there really isn’t anything there…] • Consider what you’re saying before you say it. I’m very guilty of letting the words spill before processing what they may be processed to mean. Sometimes you get excited about something and the words tumble out before you had a moment to phrase it more tactfully and you find that it is received in a completely different manner than you had intended.
While this can be overlooked if you are interacting often with your family/significant other/friend, it can be a lot harder to overlook once you’ve entered the busy realm of medical school. Establishing a routine This is especially important for sustaining long distance relationships with significant others — if you establish a time of the day that is set aside especially for video chatting or a phone conversation, then you will have something to look forward to each day and you will maintain the regular contact/communication necessary for keeping the relationship strong.
Mike and I usually chat during my commute and right before bed [and because of the 3 hour time change, sometimes he’ll be up late and serve as my alarm clock — this is especially helpful for the mornings that I opt to wake up at 4AM]. Plans & realistic goals for the future Prior to embarking on my long distance relationship, Mike and I sat down and discussed how often we will realistically be able to see each other and identified an end point for the long distance.
We discussed how we could ensure that we are together at that specified point [will he follow me? will I follow him?]. Although I realize that the “ best laid plans of mice and men often go awry,” it’s settling to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Furthermore, our open lines of communication allow for adjustments to these plans as we see fit.
Little surprises The image for this post is of the front of a card Mike sent me as a surprise. It was such a sweet gesture and it still makes me smile to see it each day. Just little handwritten notes or sweet emails with photos can really go a long way in keeping a relationship strong. This also applies to relationships in general — if you haven’t heard from someone in a while, why not give them a call and catch up or send them an email?
Reminiscing on good memories I love when my best friend comes back into town and we catch up on what’s going on in our lives [usually my end of the conversation is “we have another exam coming up” or “ugh, I didn’t do well on that last exam”… heh].
But it’s especially fun to reminisce about how we used to spend all of our time in Robotics after school [yes, we were quite nerdy… and probably still are] or the adventures we had in college. This also works really well for diffusing an argument with your significant other — I’ve found that if I’m annoyed about something Mike said or did [or didn’t do], I can’t stay angry for very long when I think about how we met or how supportive he was through my medical school application process.
Knowing when to let go Long distance relationships and relationships [in general] during medical school requires recognition of when it may no longer be healthy to maintain. Sometimes a great relationship in one setting is just not sustainable outside of it. I don’t think that this applies to most relationships, but it’s always important to realize that it might be a valid possibility. Did I miss anything? Do you have any additional tips? March 2, 2012 at 3:04 am @SKB: I’m glad she enjoyed it!
Can’t wait to run into her again [maybe if we’re all in Cali at the same time we can all hang out!] @Allison: Thanks for stopping by! I checked out your blog and you have one phenomenal story to tell — I’ve already added it to my Google Reader list! • March 2, 2012 at 4:36 am Thanks Amanda!
I can’t wait to go back to med school in August 🙂 I’m planning on skimming through your blog, but I was wondering if you’ve written about how you’re going to approach patient interactions and HIPAA during your 3rd and 4th years. I’ve recently decided to blog openly (albeit leaving my last name off the page to maintain some sense of privacy from future residency programs) but have not landed upon any solid theory for writing about patient interactions.
• March 2, 2012 at 4:41 am @Allison: I wrote an entry about my first in-patient encounter and plan on writing future narratives as I interact with more patients, but basically, I’m changing *everything* that I possibly can and integrating multiple patient stories into one main narrative.
Either way, the main focus for all of those entries will be on my own thoughts/feelings, and I think that will help me really steer clear of all possible HIPAA violations. Let me know if you develop your own technique for approaching the discussion of patient interactions!
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When my husband Brian started first-year of medical school at the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine, I jettisoned off to Thailand to spend a year teaching English and traveling. We figured if we were going to date long-distance, why not go all in? Why not ensure that we were a full 12 hours apart, on literal opposite sides of the world.
What can I say? We like a challenge. And it was a challenge. We really had no idea. Being 12 hours apart meant that we could never speak between the hours of twelve and seven because one of us was invariably asleep. And our waking hours could not have felt more different or disconnected.
He spent his days learning anatomy and dissecting in a cadaver lab, and I spent my days teaching small Thai children how to speak English and eating at the local fish market.
He existed in a world of esteemed professors in white coats, and I walked through a world of esteemed monks in orange robes. Those first few months abroad almost cost us our relationship. Living in the same city (or on the same continent) is not an option for every couple, especially couples that include a medical student.
Some significant others of medical students choose not to or cannot move when their partner gets accepted to medical school in another city. This truth is often the first time the couple understands what it means for medicine to call the shots, at least logistically. Long-distance relationships are incredibly difficult under the best circumstances, and medical school amplifies it. Relationships grow when couples experience new things together and strengthen their emotional bonds.
Long-distance dating prevents the formation of new joint experiences and often forces couples to focus on relationship maintenance rather than growth. Brian and I made it through that difficult year apart, but we had to learn the hard way what it means to connect when you can’t go out to dinner together, sit and read together, or get a hug when you need it.
Here are the things that matter. Make an effort because otherwise, it won’t happen. Going from effortless conversation in the same room to long-distance communication is difficult. Early on, Brian and I realized that we could no longer assume we’d find to talk whenever. It wasn’t working. Things came up. We finally instituted weekly Skype chats on Tuesdays at 7:45 a.m. my time, 7:45 p.m. his time so we could see each other’s faces. In hindsight, this feels obvious, but we were used to having easier access to one another so took us longer than it should have to implement this tactic.
Connect with the little details of your partner’s life. Before moving to Thailand, I visited Miami and saw Brian’s apartment, met his new friends, and got a sense for his routine. That early visit made a huge difference; being able to picture where Brian spent time made me feel connected to his life.
Of course, Brian couldn’t just stop by Thailand to see and experience my surroundings and routine. And I could not bridge that gap over the phone.
That disconnect only disappeared when Brian visited me over winter break. If you can, visit each other’s surroundings early in the long-distance separation. That early experience anchors the relationship in the shared understanding of one another’s worlds and makes subsequent conversations more engaging. Be OK with a weekend in. And while we’re on the topic of visiting a long-distance partner, let’s talk about what those visits look like.
There’s something that happens when long distance partners visit each other. Where once they could easily spend a weekend catching up on homework or watching a Netflix marathon, those everyday experiences become completely unpalatable when visiting a long-distance partner. Why would I travel all the way to see you so we can have a completely mundane weekend?!
When I returned to the US and had not yet moved to Miami, we felt that way. Visits felt more like entertaining a guest than spending time with a partner. Cut yourselves a little slack. Relationships are built on the tiny day to day moments that weave our lives together. Certainly, the two of you should make an effort when one of you visits the other. But give yourselves permission to embrace the everyday aspects of your life during those visits.
Decide that you will embrace the small things. Tell your partner via text that you hope they have a good day. Randomly let them know that you’re thinking about them. Tell them when something reminds you of them. Tell them you would rather be with them.
Better yet, send a hand-written letter. It will knock their socks off, because who does that? You will have to manufacture the tiny moments of connection that most couples take for granted, and with medical school threatening to steal all of a student’s time and energy, these small moments take on vital meaning.
7 Things No One Tells You About Long Distance Relationships