Hooking up is supposed to be a fun, safe way of exploring your sexuality, no matter whom or what you're into at the moment. But as with any exploration. Your sex life should stay private, and it's never a good look when all of Boystown knows whom you did, how you did him and where you did it. If you hook up with the town's gossip queen, people will know your penis size, your secret fetish, whether or not your middle toe is bigger than your big one, and how you like your coffee in the morning. Gossip is truly the lowest form of discourse, so don't be fodder for it. People who go out a lot will spill your business over a drunken conversation Never hook up with guys with race-related hangups. This rule is for all my fellow black gay men and other gay men of color.
Even when you're not in the market for romance you don't necessarily stop being available for sex. As Bipasha Basu pointed out correctly all those years ago, " Yeh jism pyaar karna nahi jaanta. Jaanta hai toh sirf bhookh, jism ki bhookh." Turning to a single, sexually available friend who knows exactly what you are and aren't looking for can seem like the perfect solution.
You can be assured of semi-regular sex with a person you enjoy spending time with. Sounds like a perfect solution, provided things go as planned.
But since it's in the nature of plans to throw curveballs at you, here's how you make sure you cover your bases as much as you can before you add carnal privileges to the friendship mix.
1. FWB ≠ NSA Understand clearly what you're getting into. Friends with benefits is not the same as no-strings-attached sex, which is typically with a person whose role in your life is limited to sex.
Maintaining a sexual relationship with a friend a decidedly trickier than managing your booty-call person. Proceed only once you've drilled this in your head.
2. Close friends are a no-no You never know when you might be blindsided and things go completely awry. While good friends might seem like a comforting choice for sex-buddies, they're a lot more stressful to handle if the reality of your arrangement ends up being nothing like the fun-filled expectation.
3. Accept that your friendship might never be the same again There is a very real possibility that one or both of you might not be able to revert to the pre-sex stage of your friendship. You might feel differently, or future partners might not be comfortable about having their significant others' sex buddies in close proximity. Do it with a friend you don't mind losing, if it comes to that.
4. Decide your expiration date and stick to it Unless you have some semblance of a time-line for your friendly rendezvous, you're actually just in a relationship with fewer rules and without the name. Giving it a deadline will give you a reality check: it is a temporary arrangement and it's not more serious than it looks.
5. Keep it classy If you have more than one friends with benefits arrangement, make sure they don't belong to the same social circle. It's unnecessarily complicated to sleep with people who are friends with each other. It could damage your own friendships as well as theirs. 7. Jealous? Exit immediately If you start to feel the stirrings of jealousy or see it in your sex-buddy for any reason, end it immediately. Even if one person develops feelings that the other doesn't reciprocate, the friendship can be salvaged by acting immediately.
8. Don't do it with colleagues Ask yourself, earnestly, not in jest, "What could possibly go wrong?" Then make a list. Stop when you hit a century. Then memorise the list and repeat it to yourself every time the thought crosses your mind. 9. Don't involve other friends and family No inviting each other to family events and no showing up for group hang-outs together—that's what couples do. Your sex buddy shouldn't have any more access to your life than your other friends do.
As far as possible, they shouldn't even know about your arrangement. 10. Don't use it as an emotional crutch A friends with benefits equation should never be used to plug an emotional void. It's easy to confuse the comfort it provides with the feeling of "having someone" and "not being alone". You're going to feel massively bereft and vulnerable the day it ends. Don't stop looking for romance (if that's what you desire) because of it.
best hook up buddy rules and regulations - Rules of freshwater fishing in Singapore
Here are my findings: Don’t Fuck With Your Friends Your ideal FWB is someone you quite like and have stuff in common with, but has one massive, fuck off, unignorable flaw. For example, their favourite book is Atlas Shrugged. Or they don’t know the difference between ‘to’ and ‘too’. Or they wear a celebrity perfume. Something that won’t stop you wanting to bone them but pretty much guarantees that you won’t fall in love with them.
Your friends’ friends are usually the best hook up source because they have a built in character reference (your mate) and there’s a good chance that you’ll have a decent amount of chemistry with them.
Make sure your friend is not actually looking for a husband/wife for the person they’re setting you up with or secretly in love with them. That can only end well if you’re an aspiring scriptwriter gathering ideas for a revival of Sunset Beach.
It’s best to avoid shagging people who are your actual friends. If you have set up an ‘arrangement’ with a mate and not ended up dating, falling for each other, breaking up and spending the subsequent six months walking around like sad drunk zombies I would LOVE to know how it’s done.
(It’s not for me. It’s for my, er, friend.) Don’t Be Shy When you’re dating someone you really like, the magic doesn’t always happen straight away. You can spend hours obsessing over lighting, lingerie choices and how to hold your stomach in at different angles, because if you hope it’s going to go somewhere then you want to maintain the illusion that you’re perfect for as long as possible.
And that can lead to bad things like forgetting to actually enjoy yourself. The whole point of having an FWB is that you don’t care what your “friend” thinks of your Spiderman duvet cover or Hello Kitty knickers. There is no need to check that you’ve removed your vibrator from under the pillow or that there are no empty packets of Monster Munch under the bed.
You’re not there for a long time, you’re there for a good time, and as long as everyone is happy and consenting than you can do whatever the hell you want. If you want to be buggered with a spirit level by someone wearing an Ann Widdecombe mask you damn well ask for it. And if the other person isn’t up for that you can politely call it a day with your heart and genitals in tact.
Fall In Love. With Someone Else Unless you have a heart of asbestos or you’re the kind of idiot determined to resist all social conditioning in order to prove a point about your own coolness, you probably like being in love. Being in love is ace. Quite a few people think having an FWB is like a hassle free relationship - they want the good bit of love (hugs, holidays and hook ups) without having to deal with what happens when their partner is having a crappy time at work or their parents get sick.
When you’re regularly sleeping with someone and there’s absolutely no-one else on the horizon, you’re going to start fantasising about cooking dinner together and going for walks in the park and winning shit prizes on Hook-A-Duck at suburban fun fairs. The best way to nip this in the bud is to be a little bit in love with someone else. Exes are good, as are people in the office that you like but you’re past the point of doing anything about it.
Celebs will work if you’re really stretched. Let your friend know - don’t say “I’m fucking you but I’m not in love with you because you are inherently unloveable and I’d be with Laura from Accounts if it wasn’t for her bastard husband John.” Better to go for something like “I really fancy you but I’m into someone else in a doomed sort of way and I can’t be in a proper relationship for a long time because I’m a bit of a mess.” It’s probably true.
Maintain A Physical As Well As An Emotional Distance It’s obvious, but in a world where people with nut allergies eat Nutella from serving spoons and iron their shirts after they have put them on, there is no harm in stating the obvious.
DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH YOUR NEIGHBOURS OR HOUSEMATES. When it all blows up in your sorry face you might have a story worth flogging to Take a Break but you’ll have to involve spouses, small animals and unborn children in order to make that worth your financial while. You don’t want your friend to be near enough to take in parcels for you or to start turning up in the same bars as you. Unless you want to bump into them when you’re out and have to introduce them to your friends and colleagues as your slampiece.
Don’t Bond When You’re Not Boning If your trips to the bedroom are interspersed with trips to Wagamama and the zoo, you are not fuck buddies, you are dating.
Both parties might try to claim that you’re ‘just hanging out’ but every meal you eat together that doesn’t involve Domino’s and a duvet brings you closer to detonating the bomb of potential relationship doom.
Don’t see your FWB more than once a week, don’t be Facebook friends, don’t follow each other on Twitter and don’t text each other stupid jokes you read on Popbitch. If you must, you can add each other on Google + on the condition that you make a specific sex circle and keep them separate from everyone else. (Also, don’t accidentally add your Mum to the Sex circle.) An FWB is not a long term solution for horny commitment phobes. Nor is it an alternative to, ahem, spunking all your money on Kleenex and Duracel.
But having a regular hook up is nicer than haunting your local Oceana and hopefully pawing the people who fall out of it at 4AM. Even though you won’t be boffing your BFF, you need to think of your FWB as you would a proper mate. Treat them with respect. When you’re ready to move back to the world of cuddles and sofas and stand up fights in Ikea, let them know.
And keep in touch. The next one might not be The One, and if it doesn’t work out you’re going to need a good friend.
ANNNND we’re back. How were things in normal land this weekend? Anything exciting happen? Did you try a really great panini? Or maybe catch the matinee of The Croods?
Cool beans, buddy! The Coachella high is finally starting to wear off this Tuesday and although I wish I could be on vacation forever, it’s time to get back in the game of life. BOO. We figured it would be a good time, after spending 5 days away from home, to get some schoolin’ on the art of hooking up on vacation. Yes, we talked about the finer points of just a week or so ago, but now that it’s over (and as summer creeps slowly closer – hit the gym everyone!), we’re dropping some knowledge on all you singles about out of state (or city, or COUNTRY) booty calls.
What ARE the rules, anyway? 1. Make your intentions CLEAR Whether the hot young thing you meet lives 10,000 miles away from you or happens to live a few blocks away from you, be sure you make perfectly clear that this is a fun, casual, vacation hook up, and you’re expecting nothing more to come from it. Forget this all important rule and your booty call could start asking when you’ll fly out to meet their parents in Fargo.
2. Don’t let it consume your whole trip Destination booty calls are one of the most awesome parts of travelling as an adult, but they shouldn’t be the ONLY reason you travel. You still have sights to see, adventures to go on, and people to meet (hey, maybe even ANOTHER booty call, hehe). So don’t start too hard or you’ll get home from your vacation and realize you didn’t do anything other than snuggle with a stranger.
3. BE SAFE. Yes, you know where this is going. USE A F***ING CONDOM, YOU GUYS. You don’t know this person, and you DEFINITELY don’t know what diseases they’re harboring. And dudes – no one wants to come home and learn two months later they made a booty call baby. That’s a vacation buzz-kill. 4. What happens on vacation, stays on vacation This could apply to both rule #1 and #3, but it also has to do with your memories of the trip.
Don’t swamp every photo you take during the trip with a random you’ll probably never meet again. Maybe take one pic (so when you’re 80, impotent, and miserable, you can look back fondly on the greatest vacation of your life), and keep the rest booty-call-free. Plus, swamping your Facebook with pics of your vacation fling will probably lessen your chance of finally bagging your neighbor. 5. HAVE FUN! Vacations are supposed to be, above all, FUN. If at any point hanging out with your new “friend” becomes more of a burden than a pleasure, drop it like a sack of dildos potatoes.
Taking too long to get ready, being flaky, annoying, or needy – these are things you can deal with once you’re in a relationship.
This is not the time. Do you have any tips for meeting and hooking up on vacation? Share them in the comments!
WHAT GIRLS DO BEFORE HOOKING UP