No one asks this question on a first date. Your date will remember you for sure. And everyone has a preference. Ever been skydiving, bungee jumping, etc?. This question offers a little insight into them without asking a million other questions. Also, it opens up the ability to see if you share some interests. first date getting to know him new love new relationship romance.
I’m a big believer in cutting some of the crap when it comes to how we’re told to behave on dates. It’s mostly being in my first non-monogamous relationship that’s taught me this lesson — anyone I go out with will have a lot of questions about how my relationship and sex life work, and I feel it’s my responsibility to be as open as possible.
It took me a couple of years, but I’ve come to realize I deserve the same honesty in return. We have a misconception in our culture that directness is the same as rudeness, but it’s actually quite the opposite — what’s kind about lying or telling someone a half-truth you think they want to hear? I like to practice radical honesty instead.
Delivered and received with kindness rather a judgment, it is actually the much more compassionate way to be, even if certain conversations aren’t always easy to have. With that in mind, here are some “awkward” or even “rude” questions that most people end up actually appreciating.
And if they don’t? Well, that information should save you some time too. 1. What are you looking for right now? This is one many of us want to ask but don’t because we don’t want to “ruin things.” Take a minute to examine that logic: if you ruin things simply by asking a direct question about something so fundamental, is that relationship really worth your time?
Women especially tend to have a fear of being “that girl” asking “that question,” but I find many people are often relieved to be asked this directly. I preface the question by saying that there is no wrong answer besides a dishonest one and add that my date doesn’t owe me anything except their frankness. I won’t be angry with them, especially early on — I’m just trying to have all the information before I get more invested.
Recently, asking this question helped me avoid sleeping with someone who seemed like a relationship guy but who it turned out only wanted casual sex. Nothing against casual sex, but I’m really glad I found that out before getting disappointed when he failed to live up to expectations I’d based on fantasies. 2. So, who else are you dating right now? I’m a fan of going for this one on the first date — how much they stumble over being honest reveals a lot about a person.
Everyone is dating around, and the earlier you find out how deep in they are with other people, the less you’re going to have to worry that you seem like you’re trying to have “the talk.” You just want to know the situation, and to gauge whether this person is emotionally mature enough to be upfront with you.
Phrasing it this way (assuming they’re dating other people rather than asking if there are) will also help them not feel judged.
If the answer is “no one,” they can still say that, but you’re not trying to “catch them” in the act of dating other people. 3. What are your feelings about monogamy/non-monogamy? This is a question I never asked before I found myself in a non-monogamous relationship, but even if I one day date monogamously again, I’ll continue to ask it.
It’s a pretty fundamental thing for two people who are potentially going to knock parts (and/or hearts) to know about each other, even if you’re not on the same page. 4. When were you last tested? If you don’t want to ask this one over your first drink, I understand. That said, I’ve learned that I almost always end up regretting it if I don’t pose this question until right before I’m about to have sex with someone (or worse, if I don’t ask at all).
Not only does their answer tell you their STI status, but how they react to the question will show you if they’re comfortable being an adult about sex, how honest they seem, and to what degree they prioritize safety and health.
In my experience, people who say things like, “It’s been a long time, but I always use condoms” or “I don’t have any symptoms, so…” and leave it there? Usually not the most grown-ass of contenders. If you make having recent test results a prerequisite for sleeping with you, it also gives them a chance to show they’re serious about dating you and helps slow things down by a couple of weeks in a (subversively) old-fashioned way.
5. Why did your last relationship end? This question gives you a lot of information: how reflective they are, what their relationship history is, where they might currently be at, and how much blame they tend to put on other people rather than themselves. Beware of dates who degrade their ex or use words like “crazy” without reflecting on their own role in the dynamic. 6. Why do you think you’re single? This is another question that shows how self-reflective someone is and how much they tend to place blame on others.
If you’re really feeling them, there’s also a way to ask this question that can come off as quite the compliment. (Avoid the cliche, “So, how is a catch like you single?” but put your own spin on the same sentiment.) 7. So…what was that? I ask this one if someone does something straight-up obnoxious and rude or otherwise unaware. Calling them on it — again, in a level and kind way — is actually a great way to draw their attention to the fact that they might have offended you.
At best, they’ll have a chance to recover, and at the least, maybe they’ll think twice before they do it to the next person.
8. Do you have any deal breakers I should know? You can also phrase this one as, “how do you feel about [insert your ethical deal breaker here]?” It could be eating animals, having kids, Trump — whatever.
Better you find out sooner rather than later. 9. What was your longest relationship like? Especially if you’re going out with someone in the hopes of a serious relationship, you might as well find out whether they’ve been able to commit in the past.
If someone is 45 and has never been in a relationship longer than a year, I’m not saying they should be disqualified — but knowing that (and why) might help temper your expectations. Likewise, if someone just got out of a seven-year marriage, maybe that’s information you’d like to have. 10. So, what do you plan to do about it? I like to ask this question when someone is talking about how they hate their job or politics or is otherwise being negative.
Everyone complains, but whether they can complain and be proactive tells you a lot about someone. This is also a good way to respond when someone is being generally cynical about dating. If they’re worth your time, they’ll be caught off-guard by your calling them on it gently— and then rapidly impressed by you.
11. How am I different than what you thought I’d be like? This gives you some good information about how your profile is reading, and also lets them a) show you how honest they can be and b) let you know if they’re feeling you. Asked with confidence, it makes you look very secure, which is always sexy.
12. So, what else do you want to know about me? I used to fill all the silence on dates with questions for the other person — it’s a way we subconsciously ingratiate ourselves. Now, I’ve learned that someone going on a long monologue without giving you a chance to speak in return can be a major red flag.
Sure, some people are just chatty, but pay attention (again, perhaps especially if you’re a woman who dates men, because of socialized-gender-bullshit) to whether they ask you any thoughtful questions in return. If you’ve been nodding for five minutes straight, let the next silence hang and then drop this question that brings the focus back to you. I also think this is a strong way to end a first date, even if they have already asked you plenty — it’s confident, signals your interest, and gives them a chance to ask whatever they may still be wondering (also highly recommend this one for job interviews).
And if they can’t think of anything? Well, that’s information you can use, too. Who you are certainly merits further investigation.
best dating test questions ask first date - 100 Best Questions To Ask On A First Date
A first date can be . You’re worried about your clothes, your hair, and what you’ll say to your date. You want to sound witty and interesting, but you also don’t want to look like you’re trying too hard either. It can be hard to think of questions to ask when you’re filled with nerves. However, with a little preparation, you can carry on a first-date conversation with ease and grace. Asking the right questions can help you learn more about your date and help both of you get a little more comfortable with each other.
Here are a few tips for the first date as well as starter questions that will help you get to know each other better. Now’s your chance, make a great first impression! | iStock.com Relax: You want to gain some insight, but you should also remember to have fun. You don’t want your date to feel like an interrogation. Make sure to ask some fun questions. Every query doesn’t have to be very serious or probing. And you don’t want to probe too much when you’ve just met. Being overly suspicious and defensive will likely be off-putting to your date.
Be polite: Don’ talk over your date. Give each other time to respond to questions, and don’t turn every comment into a debate. If you like to argue, join a . Maintain eye contact: Eye contact is not only sexy but also shows that you’re listening and engaged. If you’re shy or nervous, take a moment to look away every now and then, but always come back to meet your date’s eyes.
And if you’re feeling bold, focus on their lips once in a while. 1. What are some of your hobbies? Did they end up where they are intentionally or by accident? | iStock.com/bowdenimages Most people have interesting stories to tell about how they landed on their chosen career path. A discussion about careers may help you learn more about their motivations and work ethic. 3. What are you most passionate about? Ask this question with caution. | iStock.com/grafvision Also ask who initiated the break-up and why.
This may give you some insight into how he or she handles conflict and what they find important in a relationship. In addition, how was the news delivered? If your future partner says it was via text, email, or worse — social media — you may want to proceed with caution. Someone that insensitive will likely treat you the same.
7. What’s your biggest relationship regret?
First dates can be nerve-wracking territory. You’re feeling the pressure to be charming, witty, polite and attractive, plus you’re trying not to say anything that will blow your chance of ever seeing this girl again. At the same time, dating is about you, too: It’s an opportunity to find out if you want to pursue things further, so you have to treat it as a kind of intel-gathering exercise, but without coming across like a job interviewer.
To ensure that you find out as much key information as possible while still holding up your end of an engaging conversation, here are the nine best questions to ask your date: 1. What’s Your Dream Job? Most dates — in fact, most first meetings — begin with the casual question, “So, what do you do?” This is a conventional but somewhat boring way to start a conversation: It forces your date to discuss her current job, whether she likes it or not, and it doesn't tell you anything about what she'd prefer to be doing with her time.
If you ask instead what work she’d most like to be doing or what her dream job is, you get an insight into her ambitions, values and priorities, plus you will instantly come off as more interesting and engaging than 99% of her other dates. If you're curious to know what she's currently doing for a job, in all likelihood that will flow naturally from this question, plus you have instantly broadened the scope of the conversation and guaranteed a more interesting, intimate chat.
2. What’s The Best Thing You’ve Read Lately? This is a question which will reveal your date’s interests and give her a chance to discuss them for a while, which she's likely to enjoy. It's broad enough to encompass any books, blog posts and articles she's read recently, so unless your date doesn't read at all (a useful warning sign!), this should jump-start an interesting discussion.
Similarly, “What are you listening to lately?” can spark a conversation about music, radio shows and podcasts, and is more original and easy to answer than simply asking, “So, what kind of music are you into?” Delve for a while into the various art forms and elements of pop culture you both enjoy. 3. What Are You Looking For In The Dating World? It's important to clarify early in the game whether you and your date have the same expectations.
Is she looking for a husband, or simply a casual hook up? And are you happy to oblige? Be clear on what you're looking for in return, because if you have mismatching intentions it’s best to clear that up earlier rather than later, before feelings get hurt and communications misfire. 4. Do You Have Any Siblings?
This is a fairly generic question, but it's a useful, low-stakes entry point into a discussion about her family and upbringing, which is always a fruitful topic to explore on a date. A person’s family background can provide clues as to what they're like as a person and about your compatibility, so try to extend the conversation beyond a simple listing of siblings into a polite discussion about where she's from and how she was raised. Resist the urge to play armchair psychologist or to get too intense, though — if her parents are divorced that doesn't mean that she's “damaged” or doomed to end up the same way, for example, and try not to pry about contentious personal details or dredge up painful memories.
Aim to ease her in a sweet spot where she's comfortably discussing her family life but not feeling too vulnerable, because listening to your date talk about her background can give you a much fuller picture of who she is, and gives you the chance to provide her with the same. 5. How Long Have You Been Single? Previous relationships can be fraught territory to bring up on a first date, but getting some idea about your date’s when you first meet is useful. Asking how long she's been single helps to determine whether she's a permanent bachelorette or serial monogamist (or something in between), and it does so in a non-invasive way.
She can answer with a simple “six months”, say, but it allows her to elaborate if she'd like to. A good follow-up question is, “Was that your longest relationship?” if you want to spark a deeper discussion about her relationship history, and yours. 6. If You Could Have Dinner With Any Three People, Who Would You Choose? Sure, this one won't win you many points for originality. But it's a classic ice-breaker for a reason: iI allows you to instantly determine what kind of people your date finds interesting, and for what reason.
The fact that it's a slightly clichéd questions means she may have already thought of an answer, which can help to avoid stilted conversation. If you're terrified of seeming unoriginal, tweak it slightly: Maybe ask which three people she’d want to be marooned with at sea, or who’d be in her ideal Power Rangers crew.
RELATED READING: 7. What’s The Best Place You’ve Ever Traveled? Most people light up when they’re given the chance to discuss their favorite holiday or trip. It's light and evokes positive memories so it's perfect first date territory, and you’ll learn what kind of explorer she is: did she backpack through Southeast Asia for six months on the cheap?
Did she splurge on hotels and shopping in New York? Did she study abroad in Copenhagen? Her answer will provide an insight into what she enjoys and how she conducts herself in unfamiliar locations, and if she hasn’t done much in the way of travel (or if you haven't), it naturally leads into a discussion about dream locations yet to be visited.
8. What Are Your Plans For The Weekend? don't all have to cover big, meaning-of-life topics, and this question is useful to establish what your date does for fun, without the social awkwardness of asking, “So, what do you do for fun?” This way you can learn about any weekly soccer games, wild partying habits or child custodial battles with a simple, off-the-cuff question. If your date is on a weekend day, just ask about the remaining, or previous, days.
Bonus: This question gives you some crucial intel for the next question, the final best thing to ask your date: 9. Do You Want To Go Out Again Next Week? Let’s face it: the aim of the dating game is to find someone you want to see again. If the date's going well and all her answers have indicated compatibility and mutual interest, why not lock in a second date?
Of course, depending on what you're both looking for and how much chemistry has been sizzling between you, a more fitting final question might be, “?”
Questions to ask a girl on a first date