Checkout these LOL, hilarious dating jokes. Relationships can be funny and tragic, as these one liners (in picture form) prove You ever have one of those moments when an old friend sees or hears something and comments, “Ha, that’s totally you!” and you just stand there thinking, “Is it? That doesn’t sound like me. Was he talking to someone else?” Well, now I’m getting those thoughts about the owners of this site. Dating Jokes. Anyway, rant over. The good news is that these Dating jokes were compiled by our researchers, who I have been told to refer to as “comic geniuses” for reasons that elude me. However, they left me to write the descriptions, so here goes. #1.
One-line jokes are usually a play on words that involves twisting language with humorous results. The best one-line jokes are puns, sarcasm, and truisms that catch you off guard, offer a quick laugh, and allow you to see the humor in the everyday happenings of life. Of course, any list of best one-liners will be subjective, but those below will make you chuckle and brighten your day.
2. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. Sure, sometimes your GPS is wrong, but most often it's not. Individuals will argue with their GPS, win, and end up asking it for directions again. What makes this one so funny is that everyone at one time or another thinks they know better than AI. 14. The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate. To live is to experience life, and often life seems like the school of hard knocks.
You learn from one experience after another, but you never graduate. This is a one-line joke that even those with multiple degrees will find humorous.
best dating jokes one liners ever - Best 25+ Funny one liners ideas on Pinterest
It's 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Peggy Sue's father answers the door and invites him in. He asks Bobby what they're planning to do on the date. Bobby politely responds that they'll probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie.
Peggy Sue's father suggests, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it." Bobby is shocked. "Excuse me, sir?" "Oh yes, Peggy Sue really likes to screw. She'll screw all night if we let her." Peggy Sue comes downstairs and announces that she's ready to go. About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father, "Dad!
The Twist! It's called the Twist!" A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped. “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.” The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window.
“Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl. “Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25…” There once was this guy who was going on a date to the movies with a beautiful girl.
Before he went, he made the mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans. Right after he picked her up, he felt the need to fart, but he figured he could wait until they got to the movies.
When they got there, he asked her if she wanted some popcorn and Coke. She said sure, so he went to the restroom. The line was long, so he went back to the lobby, got the food, and went back into the theatre. When the movie was over, he goes to the bathroom again, still with a tremondously long line.
So he figures he can wait until he drops her off. When they pull up into her driveway, she exclaims, "Oh goodie.
My grandparents are here. Come on in and meet them." He agrees, although his A-hole is about to cry at this point. They go in and sit down at the table.
Finally, he couldn't hold it in any longer a tried to let it seep out a little at a time. As he squeezed out a toxic blast, he aimed it towards the family's hound dog Duke, in hopes that they might blame the pooch for the horrendous fart. The girl's father stands up and hollers "Duke!" and sits back down. "Great!" he thought. "They really think it's the dog!" So, he starts bombarding the room with a couple, more powerful, louder stinkers.
Once again, the girl's father stands up, shouts "Duke!" and sits back down. Finally, he lets it all go and the loudest most hair-curling fart you've ever heard or smelt rippled through the dining room. The girl's father stands up again. "Duke, get the hell out from under him before he shits on you!" A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do.
About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle." "Do you think it will work?" she asks. "It's worth a try." he says. So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest.
After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this.". "What?" asks the priest, "what happened?". "You gave birth to a child!". "But that's impossible!" says the priest. "I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "It's a miracle! Here's your baby." About fifteen years go by, and the priest realises he must tell his son the truth.
One day, he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father." The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?" The priest replies, "I am your mother, the archbishop is your father." A young man finally got a date with the blonde female that lived in his apartment complex. To prepare for his big date, the young man went up on to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself.
Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude. Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof and managed to get sunburn on his “tool of the trade”.
But, he was determined not to miss his date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze. The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie. During the movie, however, the young man’s sunburn started acting up again.
He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen and poured a tall, cool glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain. The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his member immersed in a glass of milk. Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed, “So that’s how you guys load those things!” Choose from 176 jokes categories • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
Let’s do a section on Dating Jokes, they said. It will be fun, they said. And oh, just one thing, make sure you keep it clean, we know you’re good at that. I was actually thinking it could be fun until that point, but now I’m wondering if they have ever even met me and actually get who I am. You ever have one of those moments when an old friend sees or hears something and comments, “Ha, that’s totally you!” and you just stand there thinking, “Is it?
That doesn’t sound like me. Was he talking to someone else?” Well, now I’m getting those thoughts about the owners of this site. Dating Jokes Anyway, rant over. The good news is that these Dating jokes were compiled by our researchers, who I have been told to refer to as “comic geniuses” for reasons that elude me.
However, they left me to write the descriptions, so here goes. #1 I personally have never had this issue, and not just because I’m unemployed and have never had a girlfriend. Actually, now that I think about it… #2 #3 I think we need to sack the guy responsible for apostrophes, but first I just want to clarify that “that guy” is not me.
I like my job, thank you very much. #4 #5 The problem with comebacks is that we all know the best ones and we have all thought of a few great ones ourselves, but in the moment, they all fade away and the only thing we have left is, “Yeah? Well, screw you”. #6 She sounds like a catch, he should totally stick with that one.
She’s a gold-digger who starts small. “Never mind your millions and your diamond rings, give me the $3.50 you would have spent on a drink”.
#7 #8 Ouch. Don’t we have a section for ? Because I think this one belongs there. The guy responsible for apostrophes clearly has other issues as well. And judging by that sexist comment, I’m wondering if the owners didn’t just hire my uncle.
#9 Sounds legit. #10 Finish on a high, they said, but nobody told this guy. I’m not even sure I get this joke.
In fact, I am sure, I don’t get it. Is this a “hell freezes over” thing? Or was this just the worst comeback ever. I’m confused. Anyway, that’s enough dating jokes, but if you still have some passive aggression built up regarding your partner, take a look at our and .
Chris Turner One Liner Comedian