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David Deangelo is a somewhat forgotten pick up artist nowadays, I have the impression, but one thing that definitely made a lasting impression on me, was his list with 77 laws of success with Women and Dating. I haven’t read the list in years, and since I’m looking for a better set of rules to live my life, I thought I should examine them again. The laws are in bold, the comments are not. Does anyone even use the term ‘pick up artist’ anymore?
Anyway, these laws are about much more than success with Women and Dating, they are about designing a life for yourself. 1. Accept everything the way it is. Don’t wish things or situations were different. Bitching about stuff will not change it. Confront the reality. You can hate bureaucracy, but there’s rarely a way around it, unless you live in Russia and you have plenty of cash to bribe people…Then you can nag about corruption in Russia, but again, there won’t be much of a way around it.
You can nag about how women are nasty, or you can make the effort to understand how women are slightly different from men and find out how to interact with them better. You may hate the fact that certain eating habits make you fat, but if you want to be thin, you’ll have to go through the trouble to adopt a healthy diet, and so on and so on. It’s good that this is number one on the list, because it’s vital. This law doesn’t mean you just have to accept things as they are and never try to change things.
No, this is about accepting that you have to learn how to overcome certain obstacles or principles to get where you want to be.
You may wish to live in system that doesn’t require money to pay for basic human needs, but until that gets fixed, you will have to confront reality and find ways to make some money. You could advocate a different economic system on the side though. This isn’t a call for passivity, it’s a call not to complain about what is, but to take a good look at what it is and what you can do about it. 2. Take Responsibility. You are responsible for your thoughts and actions.
Don’t blame others for what happens to you. It doesn’t empower you, it makes you less constructive and blocks your creativity.
It may be true that others have impacted you in very negative ways, deal with that, perhaps with the help of a professional, but then let the past be the past and take responsibility for your actions. If you take responsibility for what happens to you, you’ll feel more free, more empowered and you’ll find yourself more in the ‘now’ and less hooked on ‘might have beens’.
To be succesful with women you need to genuinely feel good about who you are. You can fake confidence, but women always see through it at some point. If you want lasting success with women, you need to build confidence first. Not arrogance, which is just an appalling shield very insecure men (or women) throw up. You could say it’s the aggressive side of the insecurity coin. The other side is being meek, self-loathing and overly subservient.
Toss the insecurity coin away and build genuine confidence. That means that you are ok with who you are and you don’t need to show off, nor do you have to hide or to be very invested in what others think of you or pretend someone your not. I don’t like the word ‘wussy’. This law sounds like an invitation to beat yourself up. What’s good about it: yes, complaining won’t get you anywhere. Venting helps once in a while, but on the whole you always have to: 1. Identify the problem: what’s going wrong?
Is it worth fixing? 2. If yes, what are going to do about it? 3. Go do that. 7. Stop making identity meaning out of external events. If others disapprove of what you do then it is their problem, not yours. Don’t try to analyze it much or make a genrealization out if it. If she doesn’t like you, it is her loss – not yours (or she is a lesbian). I can provide a lot more to her than she can provide to me.
I don’t like the sound of this law. It sounds very arrogant. It’s true you shouldn’t over-analyze rejection or anything you may perceive as rejection, but to walk around thinking that you can provide a lot more to someone than they can to you, is arrogant. Sometimes there’s just no click, no need to further and conclude that you are better than the other person. Perhaps the person you approached just had a massive heachache today, perhaps she didn’t like your voice, so be it.
You’re not worse for it, and she isn’t either. 8. Eliminate failure by learning from it. Don’t attach any meaning to the failure. You have not failed – I am not a failure because something has not worked out. Plus there is no failure – it is just a lesson you have learnt in how not to do it. Be logical in analysing things. You will see that the lesson you have learnt would be far more valuable than the cost you have paid. 9. Compare your progress and success only to yourself, not to others.
You have to worry about achieving what you want to achieve – don’t worry about beating other people. Decide your path and stick to it. Run your own race. Focus on achieving your own end goals and results that you want. Compete with yourself and don’t worry about beating others – improve yourself. Take yourself to the next level. Just don’t give a fuck about others.
Get motivated by their progress that they are doing something to achieve it. Take inspiration and learn lessons. Don’t envy their status or results. Just focus on doing what is right and needs to be done to achieve your own end goals. Just like golf, compare your progress to yourself and don’t worry about others. Just think – did I do the best I could, honestly. I don’t encourage anyone to ‘not give a fuck about others’, but the rest is true enough. You are not walking in someone else’s shoes, comparing yourself to see who is better, is just silly.
If you see someone who is in a place you want to be, then compare their actions, the path that took them there, and look for learning opportunities.
10. Evolve constantly and consciously – always seek the next level and paradigm. Keep looking for the next level. You have never arrived. Keep thinking – what is the next level and how do I reach there.
Find and be with people who don’t give a damn about your current level because they are at a higher level than you are. True. You’re never ‘finished’, you are always a work in progress. 11. See yourself as “high status”. Build a high status self image. Go in expecting that you will be the high status person in the room.
Don’t care about others because you are the shiznit and the coolest and most awesome, fun motherfucker in the room. You are the rockstar and will have the attention of others. Make things fun and connect with people – make people smile and have fun yourself. This one is a recipe for arrogance.
No need to go over the top. Make things fun and connect with people, sure, but don’t do this for a place ‘I’m not enough I must compensate by prentending your high status.’ Just make sure you have cleary outlined borders, don’t let people use you, and demand to be treated with respect, but don’t walk into a room thinking: ‘look at me, look at how high status I am’.
Please… 13. Stop Seeking Approval. Neediness kills attraction. Don’t ask permission or look for external validation. Do what you want to do and not what others expect you to do. Not seeking external approval means having confidence in yourself and your decisions. This is a highly attractive mindset for women and men. Some people play to not lose and some people play to win.
Take the right decision, which may not always be the easiest, and play to win. The right decision is not always the easiest and the easiest decision is not always right. It is your life and you are responsible for it, no one else. So do the right thing. People are allergic to neediness, it makes them feel that you want something from them, and it scares them or freaks them out.
You are enough. You are as much part of this world as anyone else. And tanking external validation to kill the nagging feeling inside that you don’t matter, is like drinking salt water to quench your thirst, you’ll always want more.
Find peace with the choices you make, and don’t decide what to do on the basis of how much ‘likes’ you get for your actions. 15. Stop Trading Status for Approval. Be in control, lead. Be the person who is net-positive dominant. Let people earn your attention and make them go through hoops before you give them respect. Don’t respect people just to make them respect you. Let them earn it. There’s of course a basic amount of respect that you give others, just for being with you here on this small planet, but otherwise it’s true, don’t give people credit for stuff they didn’t do in the hopes of getting credit.
It’s just a case of neediness again. 16. Untangle past, present and future. Life for now and for the moment.
Consider short term, medium term and long term gratification of everything that you are about to do. Do what is right in the long run. Live for the moment. You always tend to overestimate the future loss or reward. Don’t live in the fear of something happening. Just deal with it when it arises. Don’t worry about solving the future problems before they arise.
This doesn’t mean blow all the money you have on a wild night and deal with the consequences later. Fear in our present society is largely overrated. People these days are afraid to change jobs, they are not dealing with the fear of trying to snatch a piece of meat from a lion (in that case fear makes sense). Changing jobs is not worthy of being in the tight grip of stomach rotting fear… If you’re living in the west anno 2016 you run very few life threatening risks… Enough with all the fear already, it’s just holding you back, or you’re using it as an excuse to stay comfortably miserable.
If you hate a job quit the first month or even sooner. If you feel like starting a business start it. If you make it, great, if you fail, great you’ll be a lot wiser and you can try again, better than before. 17. Surround yourself with success models. Be it people, books, audio or videos.
Get inspired and surround yourself with success and vision of what you want to be in future. Visualize things. Grow consciously. Don’t do anything that is of no use.
Focus on success and what you want to achieve in the long run. True, just don’t get addicted to listening to your role models and forget to actually DO THE WORK. I see this happening with a lot of people. Yes, learn from role models, but at some point you have to start doing. The only way to get over fear, is to confront it.
And no amount of preparation can shield you from making mistakes. Go make some mistakes. You’ll learn. 18. Know your path or purpose in life and stay on it. Rememberber what you are doing it all for. Focus. Remember 80/20 principle and focus on things that make the biggest impact on you achieving the goals that you want to achieve.
Don’t have any distractions – have a tunnel vision on what you want to achieve. 19. Travel. Explore new places and cultures. Go learn from them and meet new people. Expand your horizons. List everything that you learn and impliment it.
I’m not so much of a travel fan, though I ended up travelling quite a bit. I’ve learned more from interacting with people I found fascinating, than by travelling. So, if by travelling you mean seek out interesting people, yes, I agree. I’m sorry, but staring at landscapes in foreign countries didn’t change me at all.
It just taught me I don’t care about most landscapes. 22. Accept and Embrace the transition anexiety as an opportunity to see things from a beginners perspective automatically. When you do a new thing, you are out of your comfort zone. Do what is right. Don’t worry about how you will look when you fail or what people will assume.
Just do it if you have to do it. You will learn only by practicing it correctly. Just keep at it – learn and embrace the transitionb. Make it a game – compete with yourself. Anexiety is a natural part of transition. 26. Objectify your demons so that you control them instead of them controlling you.
Something you don’t have control over. Don’t worry about them and learn to conciously make sure that they never control you. Yes, be very aware of how your mind operates, and be honest to yourself.
Call a spade a spade.Get good quality feedback on this mental process from people you really trust. 27. Become selfish so that you can become generous. Make yourself a priority in your life and do what is right for yourself and achieving the goals that you want to achieve. Be independent and focus on yourself. You can give more, if you take care of yourself first. Remember those signs in airplanes urging you to put on the emergency mask on yourself first, and only then on your child.
There’s a very good reason for that. 28. Surround yourself with success models and eliminate failure models from your life and mind. You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with, goes the cliché. Yes, you need success models around you, but I don’t think you need to ban your slacker cousin out of your life if you happen to like the dude.
Maybe he lives in trailer, maybe he’s drunk off his ass most of the time, if you like him, why not spend some time with him from time to time. As long as you stick to your goals and your standards, I don’t see much harm in this. 30. Maintain your composure. Control your emotions. Be complete and be balanced. If you lose your emotions on something, that means you have to work on it.
If others freak out, you instead have to become calmer and a cold-calculating machine. This one made me laugh out loud, almost. No, you don’t need to become a psychopath, or a cyborg or a robot. Just be in touch with your emotions and your needs and have a strategy to deal with sitations that could cause you to panic. Do not become a cold-calculating machine. You’re not the head of the maffia.
31. Prove to yourself over and over that you can deal with rejection. Remember if a girl doesn’t want you, it is her loss and not yourself. You can bring a lot more into her life than she can bring into yours.
I am the shiznit. If she doesn’t want me, something is wrong with her or she is just a lesbian. This is a lousy law, and shows insecurity and arrogance on the part of Deangelo.
Yes, learn to deal with rejection, but there’s no need to convince yourself that there’s something wrong with the person rejecting you.
This is a little bit in contradiction with an earlier law to not analyze rejection. If someone rejects you, fine. If it’s really important to you, you could even politely inform why. You might learn something. But to go and say: ah, she or he is just not worthy of me, is just a recipe for arrogance and insecurity.
Sometimes two people meet and nothing happens. That’s fine. See law number one and just accept that. 32. Learn to sacrifice short-term gratification for long term success.
Do it strategically to achieve specific goals and milestones and not just for the sake of it. Decide what you need to do, how you are going to do it and do whatever it takes to achieve those goals, including if it means going out of your comfort zone or making short term sacrifices. And don’t pretend to be doing something – do it with full focus and real effort.
You are not mind-fucking youself. Look realistically at things. 35. Develop your awareness. Form a peripheral vision / 360 degree vision. Haha, yes, get unagi! If you don’t get this reference, start watching the entire series of Friends right now and forget this silly law… Hey, there are 77 of them, we can’t expect every single one to be a life-changing gem.
By the way, if you do develop 360 degree vision, call a doctor. 36. Learn to control your emotions. Be happy, be in a state of bliss and be fun. Take responsibility for your emotions and don’t let any external factors impact them. If you’re truly hurting don’t try to just put a happy face on it.
Some bad experience and emotions you simply need to deal with before you can feel happy again. 37. Become unbelievably honest and authentic. Be direct and blunt – tell people how it is. If they do something wrong or something you don’t approve, tell them.
Call girls out if they shit on you. I so wish the line ‘call girls out if they shit on you’ wouldn’t be in this paragraph. Other than that: yes, always be honest. 38. Learn to identify the social status of others by commiunication and body language instantly.
Looking away while talking is a high status symbol. Connect with leaders and befirend them. Become like them. Learning to interpret body language and trusting the intuition you have about people’s non-verbal signals is very important. And yes, respect yourself, but the concept ‘high status’ really rubs me the wrong way.
42. Stop projecting your strenghts and weaknesses on others. (Tip!) Make a list of people you hate and those you admire. Then make a checklist of what you admire or hate in them. Then make those things you admire in others as your habits conciously and try to eliminate what you hate in others. This one shows a profound lack of insight in human psychology. Often what we hate in others is something we are guilty of as well. Read Jung on this one.
If you find you dislike someone this can teach you a lot about yourself. 44. Recognize when you are losing control of yourself. Just stop. Don’t talk negatively to yourself, don’t victimize yourself. Just take a break, think logically and do what is right. Don’t think when you are emotionally high. The way you talk to yourself influences who you become. Negative self-talk will have a very negative impact on yourself. 47. Stop idealizing women.
No woman is special or has some specific high status. Your status is higher. She will be privileged to have you in her life and I can provide more to her than she can ever to me. She can never walk over me – ever. I’m sorry, but this is just degrading towards women. If you want to fail with women, then sure idealize her and worship her like some Goddess (women are NOT looking for a man who does that), but to assume that your status is higher? Come on, this is just another patch for insecurity.
48. Stop idealizing relations. There is no special girl who you can’t do without. Don’t let a relationship take over your life or stop you doing things that you want to achieve. This is your life, no one is going to do stuff for you.
Become selfish about your priorities and put top level on what you want to achieve. Don’t let anything stop you from it. 51. Stop trying to impress women. Don’t seek validation. Don’t spend more than you want to. Don’t brag. Don’t give them gifts and attention that they haven’t earned. Make them go through hoops and qualify to you. Challenge women, yes. Don’t throw yourself at her feet.
Get to know her. And challenge her to be better, and expect the same in return. 52. Look the part. Be stylish, pay attention to details and be hygienic. Women never take things at face value and use chick logic to figure things out. Just pay attention to small details and let them be impressed with it. Ok, true, women read a lot into the type of shoes you’re wearing. Still, you can look like a bum (if you don’t stink) and still seduce a woman.
The way you look is not the most imporant part of seduction. Still, it doesn’t hurt to develop a style that is really you. (Hey you, come over here. I have been looking for you for a while.) Be confident, learn the right eye contact. Smile. Women mostly do something like ‘shit tests’, when they sense you are full of… shit. It’s true women are turned on by some things you do and turned of by some other things you may do, and they are on the look-out for things that turn them on, but they are not concocting any shit tests, if you are clear about your intentions and confident and challenging and respectful, you won’t notice much shit testing.
All a woman will do is see if you are who you appear to be and if you are really interested in her. This shows such an incredibly narrow view of women… Plus, it turns you into something you are not, if you don’t care about chick magazines, then don’t read them. I happen to be interested in ‘personality and stuff’ a lot, I’ve had a period that I was somewhat interested in astrology, and I found out that most women have very little real interest in astrology (good for them!).
Yes, women are more interested in emotions and all sorts of relationships than men typically are. Other than that you don’t need to go and read ‘chick magazines’. She’s looking for a man, not a woman who reads the same magazines as she does. By the way, I know very few women who read chick magazines and take them seriously… You could get a very wrong idea by reading magazines like that and take them at face value.
The best way to find out what a woman is interested in, is by talking to her and interacting with her. Women are as diverse in their interests and hobbies and favorite discussion topics as men are.
55. Setup your life so that you are constantly meeting women autmatically. Have the right hobbies, go to the right places and try to meet women during coffee breaks. Make a list of the girl you would be attacted to and then analyze where you can find such a girl. Visualize what you want and then look conciously for it. 58.
Learn how to tell an interesting story about anything. Learn how to be enthusiastic about anything and say it in an amusing / fun way. Create mystery and anticipation around things and make them sound awesome.
Use copywriting tactics. I suppose I’m in the mood to watch Friends, but this law reminds me of the episode in which Phoebe dates a guy who’s wildly enthusiastic about EVERYTHING. She ends up dumping him REAL fast.
As silly as he may have phrased it, yes, it won’t hurt to read a good book on sexual technique. ‘Slow sex: the art and craft of the female orgasm’ by Nicole Daedone is supposed to be good. Haven’t read it. Most women will go into the most unbelievable amount of detail as to what they enjoy in bed if they simply feel that you truly care.
65. Be honest, authentic and ethical. Don’t be ashamed or guilty of your desires. If you check out her boobs and she asks, just say – I am looking at your tits. I wouldn’t recommend using the word ‘tits’ in this setting, but if you’re looking at her breasts and she asks, well, yes, admit it.
If she clearly doesn’t like that, then stop, and continue the seduction process. You could say something like: if that’s making you uncomfortable I’ll look somewhere else (look into her eyes of course). This way you have communicated you respect her boundaries, and you are attuned to how she feels.
67. Look past the content to see what is really going on. Judge people by their actions, not their words. Pay attentions. Remember what your eyes see, your mind believes – don’t let that happen. Always ask – what’s really going on here. If she creates drama, it is basically a representation of who she is as a person.
There’s a not so subtle loathing of women lurking underneath these laws, and I don’t like that. Woman will be expecting you to fit a next appointment. Instead cut her off and say, listen I gotta go. Let’s talk next time. Don’t make her the center or your universe, ok.
Women like men who have other important things to do besides spending time with her. But to run away from her on purpose just so you can leave her wanting more is just silly and fake. 73. When you start losing it with a woman. Stop, step back and let her come to you. Create scarcity. People want what they can’t have. Pull the needle out of arm. Familiarity breeds contempt. So learn to maintain a distance. If you’ve come on too strong, all you can do is take a step back.
It’s true that women usually need some time apart from you, after you met, to be able to truly fall for you. It’s in your absence that they fall in love. – (absolutely awful title, horrible cover, but a good book and not dirty at all…) PS I’m sort of hoping the somewhat misogynistic undertone slipped into these laws because someone summarized them and threw them on the internet in this form, I’d have to listen through the original audio track to know for sure.
As far as I remember these are the 77 laws as presented by David Deangelo. His website is Recent Posts • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
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