The best part about dating a Dutch guy is that he is likely to prove long-term partner material. With this liberal attitude towards women as well as his innate decency and inbred courteous nature, he is likely to make an extremely supportive and understanding partner. Indeed the image of Dutch prostitutes in the display windows of the infamous red-light districts is more for the benefit of tourists rather than a realistic pointer towards the Dutchman’s amorous preferences. However your relationship may lack some fire and passion and from time to time, you may sigh for the unpredictability or t .
I recently received a message from a reader. “Shallow Man, I’ve been dating a Dutch girl for 18 months now, my family likes her and I’m thinking of asking her to become my wife, I know that a lot of Dutch people just live together and don’t marry, but in my culture marriage is normal.
Can you write about this?” As always, the Shallow Man is keen to fulfill the wishes of his readers, however, I’ve dated a few wonderful Dutch Antelopes in my time but, like an Amsterdammer stepping over the ever present amount of dog poo all over the pavements here, have successfully avoided getting married.
So I’ve reached out to a couple of married friends and am pleased to provide a rather subjective piece called the five differences between the Dutch girl you date and the Dutch girl you marry. This post might upset some.. and as a result I’m rounded up by a group of angry Amsterdam Zuid based Dutch wives and am forced to not only attend a boot camp, followed by a game of hockey and am then taken in one of their Range Rovers (used to take their only child to the kinderopvang) to drink coffee with them afterwards and forced to listen to endless conversations about how stressful their lives are; I’ll face my tormentors and will shout “hou op met jullie gezeik, jullie zijn gewoon verwend en lui.” The things I do for my readers!
Some things will definitely change if you marry your Dutch girlfriend. Here are the five most common ones. 1. Ambition You met your partner at work. She’s a corporate tiger, a career girl, she knows what she wants and she’s going all the way to the top, well at least middle management.
This is one of the things that attracted you to her in the first place. Once you put a ring on her finger, all of this will change. She’ll go from being a corporate tiger to being an eetcafe princess. She’ll complain that work is too stressful and insist on going to boot camp, Zumba and keeping cafes in business. This is even before she’s had her first child. 2. Personal grooming Being Dutch, outside of the office she dressed for comfort. Some might say that she was too lazy to make an effort with her appearance, but I wouldn’t dream of saying such a thing.
This didn’t bother you too much, because as the Shallow Man once said a Lamborghini with a bad paint job is still a stunning car. Once you get married even the little effort she once made to look just like every other Dutch girl about town will go out of the window. Out of nowhere she’ll start wearing cardigans that no self respecting moth would ever dream of laying eggs in. She’ll whip out a Philips electric razor and do horrifying things to her hair.
What little makeup she possesed will start gathering cobwebs. She’ll wear birkenstocks when she goes out shopping and start buying her lingerie at Wibra. Ironically, she’ll still spend a lot of time telling you what you should be wearing and going shopping with you and choosing clothes as if you’re just about to go to school for the first time and need to look smart.
3. Gaming Whereas before she ignored your gaming habits, occasionally making sarcastic remarks about grown boys and their toys, now that you’re married she doesn’t want it IN THE HOUSE (which you’re paying most of the mortgage for). You have to start lying to her and telling her that you’re going out for beer with the boys, when in fact you’re going over to the apartment of a Shallow Man who has a Playstation and gives you the much needed opportunity to let off some steam playing Pro-evolution soccer or UFC unlimited.
4. Spare time When you were dating, things were pretty relaxed socially. You had your own social circles and of course your joint ones. Now you’re married with children.
You work all week and in spite of her working part time and leaving the kids in a nursery, (which you pay for), at weekends she will demand that you look after the kids as she has them all week. Free time?
You’re free when she says so. The calendar on the toilet wall is a legal contract signed with your blood; god forbid if you fail to notice a borrel with Minke, Ida and Anouk and their boyfriends as you did one time, something that she’ll never let you forget.
In fact, when you die (sooner rather than later) she’ll have engraved on your tombstone, “ here lies a father, husband and a man who forgot that I’d arranged an evening with Anouk and her boyfriend and went out to play computer games with his friends instead“, LAME! To make sure that this never happens again, she’ll send you reminders via Whatsapp, Facebook, email and call you five times on the day of the event just to make sure that you don’t forget.
5. Manners When dating a Dutch woman, she’ll speak admiringly about how hard you work and will be charming and polite to you in public. Once you’re married the family dog will be treated with more respect than you. In fact there’ll be times when you’re not sure if she’s addressing you or the dog, so abrupt is her manner of speaking.
When forcibly dragged to the drie dwaze dagen sale at De Bijenkorf, at wifepoint, your face will turn red as she shouts “I SAID THE SKINNY JEANS, DO THOSE LOOK LIKE SKINNY JEANS TO YOU?” Sadly, you’ll get used to this and five years from now will think it’s completely normal to be shouted at and bossed around like a pre-politically correct revisionist version of Zwarte Piet.
You will go shopping at wifepoint! In order of priority in your wife’s life with one being highest and six being lowest you’ll fit in as below. 1. Her dog/children 2. Smoking 3. Zumba 4. Boot camp 5. Hockey 6. Husband In spite of the above, the Shallow Man sees many happily married men all over Amsterdam, counting down the days to when they can have peace and quiet and some quality time alone in a coffin.
No undertakers were hurt during the writing of this post. Till next time, don’t shoot the exceptionally well dressed messenger. This article is previously published on . I began my expat journey when I moved to Amsterdam for a six month assignment ten years ago.
No longer a hamster on the corporate wheel, I am the author of two books, The Amsterdam Confessions of a Shallow Man, and The Shallow Man Guide to Dating the Dutch. I also work as freelance journalist for a number of publications and as well as presenting a show on English Breakfast Radio. The Netherlands is one of Europe’s most kid-friendly countries, according to Lonely Planet. Haarlem, which is a rich destination for history, culture, and shopping – it’s also exciting and comfortable to explore or live in.
With almost all attractions and facilities tailored to accommodate kids, Haarlem’s hospitality extends to the younger generation making it a great […] •
best dating a dutch managers - Relationship Mistakes Going Dutch Dating
Over the last couple of weeks, I have been asking my friends (both men and women) who paid and who should pay for first dates. Almost everyone said men in their experience paid for first dates, although most of my women friends added that they reached for the wallet and offered to chip in.
person who didn’t say “men” said that whoever asked for the date paid (or at least should pay) for the date. I looked into the research more to see how dating has changed in the past few decades. In the 1980’s, men and women both expected gender differentiated roles on dates. Paying for dates was generally considered a masculine behavior. A shift started to happen in the 1990’s when dating became a little more egalitarian. Although men were still generally expected to plan and pay for dates, women who paid for dates became much more common.
In one study, 72% of men had been on a date where the woman paid, and 76% of women daters footed the bill at least once also (Lottes, 1993). How Long Does the Guy Foot the Bill? Then I asked my friends, “How long do men generally pay for dates if the continues?” The responses varied on this question but the most common response was that men paid for dates for about 2-3 months before the bills were more evenly if not equally split.
A few had relationships where men paid for almost all of the dates. What I really think is that it doesn’t matter who pays for a date, but behaviors can bring more insight into the kind of person you, or your date, are.
For example, if you offer to pay even if the other person invited you, then maybe that shows your generosity or maybe your stance on traditional dating values. Never offering to pay might show a lack of consideration for the other person or possibly strict traditional values.
And if neither person offers to pay for the whole bill, perhaps it’s a statement that the date is more platonic than romantic. Going Dutch: A Big Dud In one study of dating scripts, participants were asked to point out elements of a “good,” “bad,” and “typical” date (Alksnis, Desmarais, & Wood, 1996). Surprisingly, both men and women agreed that a bad date was one in which both parties paid for themselves.
Translation: Going dutch isn’t the best idea if you are trying to impress your date and want to see them again! Although I am happy to pay for dates or even outings with friends, I think it feels good to be treated and taken out.
And I imagine the other person feels the same way too. Next time I might even try opening the car door.
What do you think about going dutch on a date? Does it bother you or make you think the other person isn’t interested if they offer to split the bill? Further Reading: Alksnis, C., Desmarais, S., & Wood, E. (1996). Gender differences in scripts for different types of dates Sex Roles, 34 (5-6), 321-336 DOI: 10.1007/BF01547805 Eaton, A., & Rose, S. (2011). Has Dating Become More Egalitarian? A 35 Year Review Using Sex Roles Sex Roles, 64 (11-12), 843-862 DOI: 10.1007/s11199-011-9957-9 Lottes, I.
(1993). Nontraditional gender roles and the sexual experiences of heterosexual college students Sex Roles, 29 (9-10), 645-669 DOI: 10.1007/BF00289210
The term "Dutch" when referencing a common way of sharing expenses is thought to have originated in the Netherlands and was a form of Dutch etiquette. Dutch dating was originally called the Dutch Treat according to the Morris Dictionary of Word and Phrase Origins, written by William and Mary Morris. However, William and Mary refer to the Dutch Treat as a derogatory phrase.
[donate2] Albeit, "Dutch" is not always a phrase we want to hear, but chances are we have all used the term at least once. Due to its popularity, the phrase holds a well under-stood significance. *Friendship With friends, there is usually an unspoken agreement, wherein the term "Dutch" does not limit the outings structure, but is an understood and non-verbalized rule that is considered by some a form of etiquette not only in the Netherlands but across the globe.
Of course, there is always the chance, when dealing with friends of the opposite sex, that either party could decide to take the friendship to another level. This can also put a damper on the "easy going, pay your own way" camaraderie. *The opposite sex When dealing with the opposite sex, tread softly. Always make your intentions clear. If you are going "Dutch," be sure your friend knows you plan to pay your own way in order to avoid any misunderstandings.
*A "date" Sometimes a date is a date, and splitting the costs can create an impression of greed and selfishness, but for economy sake, it is more economically viable to split the costs. This is increasingly becoming the "norm." Since cost efficiency is a must, try not to take offense when asked on a "Dutch date." Old rules go out the window during a recession and new rules become our way of life.
*Blast from the past Sometimes an old flame from your past appears on the scene. This can be a tricky situation. Evaluate and remember your reasons for not continuing in your previous relationship and then decide whether going Dutch is the best course of action. If your old acquaintance suggests "Dutch," there really isn’t much to think over. However, if (s)he does not offer "Dutch" as an alternative, maybe you should. *Friend/Lover When a friend becomes a lover, sometimes the rules of the game change.
The time for re-examination is when things remain the same. Did you misunderstand the implications behind your sexual adventure? Was it only a casual encounter between two friends?
Or maybe (s)he’s just afraid to change things. No one wants to rock the boat. These are some questions to ask yourself if the "Dutch dating" ritual continues. It could easily be a monetary, economic hold up. Or, maybe (s)he’s just not that in to you (which is another story.) *It’s not always a diss Today more and more people are going "Dutch." In order to survive we spend more time eating at home and less time eating out.
When a friend or lover, maybe both, asks you out to a "Dutch Lunch" by all means if you have the money, GO. You might find that you will have a wonderful time just being able to share lunch with someone who obviously wants to share lunch with you!
Dating in the Netherlands VS. Canada/US @Loepsie Vlog