The Divorced Man. When a divorce is final, a judge has ordered the dissolution of the marriage On the second date he revealed that he and his ex had a little 3 year old girl. I’m in my mid-30s and had you previously told me that I’d be open to dating a divorced guy with a child, I’d tell you, you were dead wrong. But instead the news didn’t scare me; I have nieces the same age, and I kept open to the idea of dating him. As it turns out, he has the best case that you could ask for; a tight knit, supportive family, a good job, friends and support system.
A man’s wardrobe should undergo subtle shifts as he gets older and takes on different roles in life. To help you look great at every age, this year we’ll be offering guides to dressing sharp and casual in your , 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, and beyond. In a man’s 20s, he does a lot of creating and experimenting with his career, habits, and relationships, as well as his style. In his 30s, he starts to build and solidify the things he launched in the previous decade of his life.
While modern 30-something men aren’t always as solidly settled into adulthood as those in times past, it’s still a decade where guys are at least trying to pivot and head in that direction. You should largely know who you are by now — what direction you want to head, and, how you like to dress. So this is a decade where you can start to build on the things you learned by experimenting with your personal style in your 20s. You’re going to improve the quality and fit of your favorite staples and cull your wardrobe into something befitting a man on the up and up.
Casual in Your 30s: Needs and Wants As we discussed in the first installment of this series, a “casual” wardrobe isn’t necessarily short on formality — it’s simply what you wear outside of work for personal pleasure, whether that’s comfortable jeans or dapper suits. What you wear when you’re just being “you” tells people a lot about you. It’s going to be one of the large determining factors in how your friends and peers perceive you.
So what should a man in his 30s be thinking about in regards to style, particularly when compared to men of other ages and generations? 1. Fit Unless you’re very lucky or very determined or both, your body has probably changed since you were 20. That’s not a bad thing, unless you’re fond of getting carded, but it is something you need to take into account when you dress.
The big three-oh is a good time to go through your closet and get rid of some old clothes. It’s a safe bet you’ve got some things in there that don’t actually fit, either because they’ve shrunk over time or you’ve grown, and you’ll want to remove the temptation to wear them out and about.
These are also the years when, if you haven’t before, you should be diving into the luxury that is custom-tailored clothing. Depending on your means, you may not be able to afford a wardrobe made of bespoke suits and shirts, of course, and you can look great without.
But you should at the very least , and have him (or her) adjust your off-the-rack clothing to your specific measurements.
Your peers are increasingly going to be better dressers as you age, and a tailored fit in all your clothes — even the casual ones — helps you stay ahead of the curve. It also makes sure your body is looking its best at all times, no matter what shape it’s in.
2. Identity Your 20s were a good age for experimenting with looks. Your 30s certainly haven’t turned you stodgy, but it is time to have a little consistency in both your personality and its outward reflection.
Dressing like a ripped-jeans grunge rocker one day and an ascot-wearing turn-of-the-century dandy the next just makes you look flaky. You should have — or should work on developing — a look you’re comfortable with as your standard or “default” style. You don’t have to box yourself in, but you should probably know by now whether you prefer to wear jeans, chinos, or wool slacks as your off-hours trousers, and whether you prefer shirts with a traditional turndown collar (“dress” shirts) or something a little more relaxed.
This is also a good age to establish a few “favorites.” Own a couple beloved (and perhaps aging) garments that your friends know you for. Adjust and repair them as needed to keep them in your regular wardrobe for years.
It’ll be a comforting touchstone for both you and everyone else. Perhaps most importantly of all, this is an age where it’s crucial to have an identity — both an internal one and a wardrobe to represent it — that’s separate from your work life.
Don’t be the guy who wears khakis and a blue shirt to the office, then puts on khakis and a blue shirt for a baseball game on Saturday as well. It may sound like a minor concern, but having a “self” that’s separate from what you do for a living makes a big impact on your happiness and stress levels. Your clothes should be something enjoyable that you unwind in, not a reminder of your job (even if you love your work). 3. Gravitas We usually reserve the word “dignity” for older gentlemen (you’ll see it, for example, in our article on dressing for your 40s), but a man in his 30s wants his clothes to add a certain social weight as well.
There comes an age — and it almost always comes in the 30s at some point or another — where it’s no longer possible to be mistaken for a fun-loving 20-something out on the town. Rather than dressing even more relaxed and “funky” in an attempt to appear more youthful, accept that milestone with class, and even enthusiasm; prompts people to take you more seriously and allows you to move into a more influential role. This is an age where you should be comfortable , wearing leather shoes instead of sneakers, and without thinking about it.
You should have a haircut that can go before a board meeting or a judge with no more preparation than a quick combing. You should own a decent watch. Little acknowledgments of adulthood like that are integral to looking like a man who’s comfortable being who he is, rather than a man who misses what he was. Casual Looks for Your 30s : relaxed or straight-laced? Vivid colors or earth tones? Modern or classic? By now, you should be mostly past either/or binaries.
This is an age when you should have a base style and be looking to expand on it. If you don’t have a base style yet, find one — you might start flipping through GQ and Esquire for some decent, fairly mainstream examples of grown-up fashions, or just take a trip to classically-styled menswear stores like Brooks Brothers.
Here are just a few looks that every 30-something male should be able to pull off, and the clothes you’ll need to do it: 1. The Casual Suit Hopefully you already have a proper business suit at this point, even if it’s not a regular staple of your work wardrobe. (And if you don’t have one yet, go buy it: solid charcoal gray or navy blue, single-breasted jacket, notched lapels, tailored fit.) By your 30s, it’s time to add a casual suit to the wardrobe as well.
This has a lighter color and often a pattern of some kind to it: think medium-gray sharkshin, blue- or gray-scale Glen check, brown tweed. You get the idea. This is something you wear to nicer, more conservative social events: Sunday church and brunches, weddings (when there isn’t a stricter dress code on the invitation), bar mitzvahs for friends’ children, and so forth.
It’s your way of showing the world that you’re an adult even when you’re having fun. It also has the advantage of looking really good on you, as long as you got the fit adjusted to your personal measurements, and it sets you apart from all the guys wearing dress shirts and slacks. So get yourself a suit that you couldn’t wear to work at a law firm or a financial office. Make sure no one will mistake it for re-purposed business wear. And have fun looking sharp in it.
2. The Ever-Changing Sports Jacket By your 30s you should be wearing a jacket more often than not. It doesn’t have to be a formal jacket — you can get quite casual with things like corduroy, bright colors, and vivid patterns in your off-hours — but it should be there.
The best shape is, of course, . It gives you the same “broad shoulders, narrow waist” look that a suit jacket does, with less formality.
For starters, a navy blazer, a woolen tweed, and a soft, colored corduroy or velvet makes a good trifecta for the beginner’s closet. Expand your collection aggressively, through whatever means suit your budget and your shopping habits best. A man on a limited budget can do very well for himself close to his size and having a tailor make the necessary adjustments.
In addition to your sports jackets and blazers, this is also a good age to have (or be working on) a collection of stylish coats and outerwear. If you don’t have a couple options for your top layer, fix that. is good for the fanciest nights out, and for lower-formality occasions you’ve got options like denim and , military-style fatigue jackets, wool hunter’s coats, peacoats, cardigans, and more.
3. The Summer Casual Most suits and jackets are what’s traditionally called “three-season wear” in the fashion industry. They’ll hold your wardrobe down from around mid-September to early May in temperate, northern-hemisphere climates (men in more exotic locations obviously need to adjust a little bit). Having something stylish to wear in the hot summer months is a big step in a man’s wardrobe. Summer looks for stylish grown-ups aren’t actually that hard, but they do include pieces of clothing that a lot of men never get around to buying, or that they buy cheap when they do purchase.
You should own at least a couple short-sleeve shirts that are appropriate for an older crowd: polos are good, as are button-fronted shirts with turndown collars. You’ll also want some lightweight pants ( and white cotton slacks are traditional), leather loafers, boaters, or other slip-on shoes, and maybe leather-strap sandals like Birkenstocks for more casual events.
To really crank it up a notch, there’s classic Southern styles like and white bucks — not an essential part of a man’s wardrobe, certainly, but a good way to own the summer.
And linen suits, jackets, trousers, and even shirts are an indulgence that a man should definitely treat himself to as he ages. Just be sure not to mix your linens; if you’re wearing a linen suit, wear a cotton shirt. Three Items (and One Grooming Habit) Every Man in His 30s Should Own 1. A Proper Dress Watch It doesn’t have to be a $3,500 luxury watch, but you need a watch with a proper metal or leather band. There are some perfectly good-looking ones starting as low as $100 from brands like Timex and Victorinox (Brett’s favorite affordable watch is ), and for a little bit more you can get something pretty fancy.
, and if you want to make matching easy on yourself down the line, get one that can be swapped out to multiple bands without using a screwdriver.
That way you can switch back and forth between a black leather band and a brown leather band to match the shoes and belt you’re wearing. 2. A Respectable Wallet No more pulling out a tattered billfold exploding with receipts, if you please.
It’s time to own something slim, leather, and intact. Prune its contents as often as you need to keep it from ruining the line of your trousers.
And absolutely no nylon or velcro sports wallets at your age, with the exception of “safety” or travel wallets clipped to your body when you’re traveling abroad. 3. Shoes for Every Occasion , but they need to be exactly the right kind — and it’ll be easier on the wear-and-tear if you have a few more to choose from. You realistically need a pair of plain black leather shoes for business dealings and high-formality events, at least one pair of brown leather shoes for when you want to look more casual but still dressy, and two or three casual options for social wear.
Invest in some quality and don’t be shy about adding to the collection. Is a really nice pair of boaters that you only wear three months out of the year worth $100 or more? Absolutely, if they look great when you wear them.
4. A Grown-Up Haircut Can you glance in a mirror, run a comb through your hair, and be ready for the most important interview of your life? If not, time to change your hairstyle. You don’t want something that takes a ton of maintenance and is capable of falling apart into a mess of tangles or straw-ends by quitting time. This is also a decent age to start moving away from dyes, if you’d been using them in your younger days — whether or not you’re going gray.
It’s your hair; own it. By the same token, . Get a short, classic cut that doesn’t try to comb over or layer on top of the bald spot, or go contemporary and shave the whole thing.
Anything that isn’t ashamed is fine, but avoid the creeping comb-over like the plague. Looks the 30-Something Man Should Always Avoid Give up now and don’t even try — these are a few things you should never be wearing once you’ve passed the big three-oh.
If you’re wearing these you’re doing it wrong: • “Athletic” gear (outside the gym). Under Armour or heather-gray T-shirts, mesh shorts, tank tops, sweatpants, pop-off training pants, athletic shoes — stop wearing them outside the gym.
No one’s going to mistake you for a college student at your age, so you just look like a man who never learned to dress better than a college student. If you’re not working out, there’s no reason to be wearing jock clothes. • Runway fashions. It’s time to stop following the bleeding edge of fashion, if you ever did.
There’s nothing wrong with looking trendy if it’s your pleasure, but give up on looking experimental. Bizarre color/style combinations, wild fabrics and patterns, and hairstyles that take an hour and a pound of product to arrange are hard to pull off even when you’re a young man, and nigh near impossible when you start to get on in age.
• Ties without a jacket. Seriously, there’s nothing that says “I work in a cubicle” louder and clearer than slacks, a dress shirt, and a necktie with no jacket. Do you want to look like your life is over already? Then don’t wear a collared shirt and tie without also throwing a jacket on. • Team jerseys. Unless you’re at the game itself, you’re too old to be wearing a hockey, football, or soccer jersey.
Other sports are right out too, while we’re at it. Beyond that, let your taste and your social circumstances guide your “yes” and “no” lists. If you hang with a deeply artsy crowd where experimental fashions are de rigueur, maybe stay clear of conservative classics like a navy blazer with khakis.
If you’re schmoozing with buddies from a law firm, a bright plaid jacket and Converse sneakers probably aren’t the way to go. Use a little common sense, but above all else have some faith in your sense of self — know who you are, and dress like it. ____________________________ Written By Antonio Centeno Founder,
best dating a divorced man in his 30s dress - 12 Tips for Dating in Your 30s
Page 1 of 2 So you've made it to your 30s. Congratulations. Now you're ready for the big leagues. Your rookie days in the triple-A dating scene are over. You can now man up to the new playing field of love. No more wasting time on dead-end women.
You know (and she'll know) exactly what you want out of a relationship. Will she be "Ms. Right" or simply "Ms. Right Now"? You decide, because now you can, with confidence.
You know what you want in love, the only question is, what type of woman are you looking for? Only you know the answer. Just remember; there's a different woman for every relationship scenario. So, without further ado, read up on what you can do to increase your chances of meeting the one you want...
and avoiding the ones you don't. types of women you'll meet The "Ticking Biological Clock" Woman You'll meet her and at some point she'll ask you if you like children. Know what you're getting yourself into! If you're not looking for marriage within the next year, stay away from her. But if you've got kiddies on your mind as well, by all means, chat this lady up. Married bliss is just a flirt away. The Divorcée You'll know it's her because she'll usually tell you straight up that she's divorced.
You'll probably be told how happy she is to be rid of the louse. Recognize that you may be in for a lot of man bashing. On the other hand, if you're looking for some good vengeful sex, you're in the right place.
The Rebound Woman Potentially the most fun of all women you're likely to meet. She's just looking for a good time. She wants to dance, play and sing, go to a football game, anything! Just as long as it takes her mind off of her ex. This is usually a short-term, intense affair, but if you show her a good time, you get an all-access pass to bounce around the bedroom with her.
The "Eternally Single" Woman There's likely a reason she's eternally single — she's not really sure what she wants. You'll realize she fits in this category when you get to talking and she tells you all the things she's looking for in a man, and each sentence contradicts the one before.
She'll want you to be the most spontaneous guy around, but you'd better plan out that spontaneity to the last detail for her. With loads of patience, maybe you can sift through her delirium. Maybe. Two more types of women you're likely to meet and where to find them...
UPDATE: I have a second article on this topic… Check out part 2! When a woman in her late 30s is dating, there’s a fair chance she’ll date some men in their 40s.
Many of these men will be on the dating scene having previously been married; if anything, divorcees are the dating norm nowadays.
But if you are the aforementioned woman and you find you are dating a fella over 40 who has never been married, or at least in a co-habiting, long-term marriage-equivalent relationship, is it always that case that there is a reason for his eternal singledom?
This question reminds me of a rather perceptive quotation from the terrifyingly-accurate fictional doyenne of dating, Bridget Jones: Will find nice sensible boyfriend and stop forming romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, sexaholics, commitment-phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits, or perverts.
You see, modern dating causes the smart girl to ask WHY her current squeeze has never managed to make it work with a woman. I should add, at this juncture, that I’m sure there are similar questions relating to 40+ women on the dating scene but, never having dated any women, I only feel qualified to speculate about the male of the species.
I’m sure there are equally damning perceptions from both sides of that particular fence. Feel free, dear reader, to add your experiences of crazy cat-ladies and such like in the comments section… So. You’ve been on a few dates with Mr Could-be-right. But you’re asking yourself how he has managed to avoid a committed, semi-successful relationship thus-far and whether you should therefore be seriously considering him as a prospect?
I suggest that you ask yourself whether he falls neatly into any of the following categories: 1. The Daniel Cleaver Part-sexaholic, part emotional fuckwit, the Daniel Cleaver has never been married because, put simply, it would make it tricky for him to remain a womaniser.
He likes, nay LOVES, women. But only ever on a temporary basis. He’s very charming, great in bed, knows all the right lines and can successfully convince you that he wants to find “the one”. But actually, it’s all about the chase and his enthusiasm wanes significantly once you start to demonstrate some sort of romantic attachment towards him.
You can sometimes identify a Daniel Cleaver by the power of social media: his Facebook profile is locked down tighter than that of an MI5 agent, yet his status updates are “liked” by reams of women and rarely any men. If you met him on a dating website, the minute you ask him if you two can become “exclusive”, he’ll block you (claiming that he has deleted his profile) so that you can’t see his dating activity.
You get the picture. 2. The commitment-phobe These are the guys who you might describe as serial-monogamists. They genuinely do want to find “the one” but regardless of how many well-suited women they date, the relationship never lasts. Almost always in this situation, she leaves him rather than him ending the relationship. He’s faithful, loved-up, and incapable of seeing his life any differently than he’s always seen it, meaning that to actually commit to a woman long-term is impossible, as it would change his life.
The mere concept of change utterly terrifies him. This chap is not deliberately single; if anything, he desperately wants to be in a fulfilling relationship. But he subconsciously pushes against togetherness due to the phobia of losing some control, independence, sense of self, or the horror that is a woman who might leave the scatter cushions in the wrong order.
3. The workaholic This is the man who defines himself by his job. His perception of himself is entirely based on his perception of his success at work. He’s more than likely well-paid and well-respected, and obsessed with demonstrating his success at life-in-general through status symbols. He’ll have a nice car, he’ll own a nice house, and wear decent suits.
But his status-anxiety leads him to believe that work is the single most important aspect of a man and this leaves little space in his schedule for devoting to a gerbil, never mind relationships.
Nuff said. 4. The star-crossed Romeo Remember Romeo and Juliet? Their love for each other was intense, to the exclusion of all rational thought.
Romantic? For sure. This chap has loved a woman with all his heart. He may even have been engaged to the love of his life but, whether through circumstance, ill judgement, or even by having loved a woman who simply did not return his love, he can never again find a woman who can match up to “her”.
She WAS “the one”. She cannot be replaced. Just like Romeo and Juliet, it is tragic, heart-breaking, and in the end he dies alone. Quite probably through no fault of his own. Nobody ever said that life was fair. 5. The Pervert Probably an unfair description, but as the Bridget Jones system of classification is working, I’ll stick with it for now.
This chap will seem very “normal” until he gets you near his bedroom. You may even have been dating him for a little while (because obviously, dear reader, you wouldn’t get your knickers off on the first date, now would you?).
But once the relationship turns physical, you’ll start to see increasing evidence of his, let’s call them “preferences”. Perhaps you’re locked in a passionate, post-dinner snog, when suddenly he refers to you as his “little bitch”.
Or maybe you’re at his place looking for somewhere to charge your phone, when you happen upon his extensive collection of butt-plugs and handcuffs. Either way, you’ll know it’s time to take your leave when you get the feeling that he’s never going to get his kicks without a touch of deviance that is a little outside your comfort zone. Far be it from me to criticise anyone’s bedroom antics, but you can bet your bottom dollar that he’s never married because he’s never found a wife who is willing to explore his deviances (and “special toys”) for the next three or four decades.
Feel free to add to this list ladies. I’m sure I’ve only scraped the surface. Who have I missed?… x Well there is a very excellent reason why many of us good men are still single today. First of all, with so many women sleeping around with different men all the time that like to party and get real wasted tells the whole true story right there. And they will never be able to settle down with just only one man anyway.
thats not true. its a fact that 90% of men cheats. go visit the divorce courts. it was stated in a survey too. some women do too i agree but surveys shows 33%. its sad and best for people to find happiness within themselves there are lots to do so many things to explore. i think social media has a biggg role to play in cheating nowadays. thing is if they want to cheat they will. nowadays lying and cheating seems to be the norm.
scary….. Well, if you are in academic, you need to be a workaholic if you want to keep your job;and do not h the benefit of a high salary. If you are a man, that makes you very unattractive. Let’s say you get you PhD at age 32, as it usually happens. Add two years of post-doc, which makes 34. Let’s suppose you are lucky to get into a tenure-track position: that means six more years of pressure, stress, and pulling the occasional (or frequent) all-nighter. If you do everything properly, you will finally get tenure at 40; that’s when you start dating, which you never have had the time to do before.
Women shall ask you: “Why are you not married?” When they learn you are an academic, they will either move to the next one, or settle with you for lack of anything better. By the way, if you do not get tenure by age 40, then you have to start all over again, at another university, if they do not think you are too old to be hired.
If you are in the sciences, you might get a corporate job; if you are in the humanities and fine arts, all you will get is laughter. The joke is on you. People have different lives he could’ve been raised by his mother and no father and have mental health issues that tends too scare slot of people and also could be physical or have adhd and also domestic violence.
Also issues with women like Harvey Weinstein a creeper or no interests in women or gay. I’m going to add another reason. Being an Asian man, I have been educated by my culture to become successful in school and career. When I was younger, I was told that Asian men tend to become full mature and attractive when they hit 40’s because they tend to look young and be late-bloomers.
And therefore I have been working hard to achieve my goals whether job-wise or school-wise. I’m in my 40’s now but people often mistake me as a 20 something. Also, when you have a PhD and have experienced a lot of things, it’s hard to settle down with women who only talk about shallow things.
Race could also play an important role. In American society, Asian men are not placed in a good light although I have never had a problem dating outside my race. However, I strongly believe that without the negative image of Asian men, I would be much more popular considering my success in career and education. i want to add if i may that zillions of people are broken. its best to stay single as there are lots to do nowadays as well as most importantly no one i repeat no one needs someone to feel whole.
its a myth that one has to have someone to be complete. one can only find happiness within oneself. no other person on earth are responsible for your own happiness. i do however think cause of expectations and quick bail outs etc people get broken and some never recover.
people want to believe in love and marriage and thats ok. Will you ever be ready? No. But question is ARE you ready to jump in with both feet and most are not. it comes nowadays with conditions etc the I AM I WANT etc The world are changing fast and i say i rather be an eagle flying solo be content with who i am reaching out to those in need than to join the masses in heartbreak and despair. its not easy i know. The I AM I WANT is a big problem worldwide. Well, it takes two to tango.
While labelling an individual is convenient to make one feel better about themselves and not take the time for deep introspection, it does more harm than good and steers one away from the real reasons why people delay marriage, aside of financial and economical strains.
Certainly, higher education and career ambitions delay personal goals like getting married and raising a family. At the same time, one must choose wisely when considering a mate. The fact that relationships fail 50% of the time is indicative of the following factors: 1) Poor social skills 2) Poor upbringing; but you cannot blame this all on your parents.
At some point you have to take responsibility for your own shortcomings and try to become a better version of your current self 3) Unrealistic expectations in a mate 4) Incompatible values and ideals 5) Self-confidence issues, emotional baggage that has not been handled 6) Significant disparities in intellectual capacity (to echo the sentiment above regarding shallow conversations) 7) A very small dating pool to choose from; especially for successful professionals who value pragmatism, traditional values and being good social citizens The problem lies with both sexes.
Both men and women need to step up their games. As a medical student, you would think that I have access to the creme of the crop when it comes to members of the opposite sex. The intellectual capacity box is ticked, however deficiencies do lie in the other aforementioned characteristics when I look at prospective mates. People need to strengthen their weaknesses and expand their knowledge by reading more and getting off the Internet; a technological innovation that has exacerbated laziness as opposed to inspiring industriousness in the majority of the population.
So let us view this discussion from a different lens: if you’re not already in a successful marriage/relationship and not raising happy well-adapted kids, you’re either not ready yourself for one reason or another, or you are ready but you have yet to find a compatible mate to continue your life journey with.
Viewing your situation from a mature and objective perspective can help you work on deficiencies you have to improve yourself and to look more closely at desirable characteristics when searching for a mate, allowing you to better vet your prospects.
It will also remove whatever negative stigma you attach to someone being single and vice versa. Stay positive and objective, friends. Very well said, John. I agree that we all should take our time looking for a compatible mate to share life with in order to divert the ugliness of divorce. Although I do agree with your views on the internet (there’s a reason why it’s called the inter “net” and the world wide “web”), it has greatly expanded my reach as a musician. But that’s for another post. Many men in their 40s are not interested in succumbing to the enslaving, soul-sucking lifestyle forced on them by an ever-expanding materialistic western capitalist industrial empire.
Since the majority of women are fully content to build their nest and seek security within the confines of that life-draining culture, men who know better have a tough time finding girls who think outside of the box. Some men are just too spiritually mature to settle for women who are still content with working 50 hours a week to afford a $1600/mo apartment in a city so they can sip $7 lattes and discuss kate spade’s suicide with their “woke” gender non-binary hillary clinton-supporting bourgeoisie faux radical craft beer factory-working hipster friends.
that–in short–is a wasteful, egocentric life. Obviously this article was written by a bitter, single shell of a woman who has given up all hope of ever finding love in this life again, and who wants to make sure that everyone else is too paranoid and fearful to ever find love, either (mysery loves company). I think that it is funny that a divorced woman is calling a never married middle aged man a “commitment-phobe”. A divorced person has obviously failed to keep their previous commitment “to have and to hold” (presumably because they previously settled for the wrong person, obviously), and these divorced women want to pass judgement on the never married person who was strong enough to remain single rather than settle for second-best (like all of the divorcees obviously did)?
Why is no one asking what is wrong with a divorced person, that she failed to keep her previous commitment (I.E.: marriage)? If she cannot be trusted to stay committed (married) to her previous husband, then what makes you think that her commitment to YOU means anything? If she was so desperate to get married to the first loser who came along and proposed to her before, what makes you think that she is not settling when she decides to marry YOU?
Thank you for your thoughts Randy G. It never fails to fascinate me that this little article, which was really written as a light-hearted joke, is taken so very seriously by angry men. I can only assume that you are happily married to an adoring wife, given your keen psychological insights into how women think (especially the assumption that I divorced my husband due to my behaviour, not his) which leads me to wonder why you are spending your time reading articles about unmarried men?
Aren’t people peculiar! Anyway, have a delightful day, my dear. Much love to you and yours. X And I find it interesting that my light hearted comment was interpreted by you as “angry”. Your assumptions about MY motives says more about your state of mind than it does about mine, so it would appear that you are the one who, perhaps, has latent anger issues. At the very least, your “light hearted” article is literally mocking people for making unconventional lifestyle choices (Surprise, people don’t have to get married just to prove to society that their is nothing wrong with them – that’s a bad reason to get married.).
My aunt died at age 85 never having married, and she did not seem to fit into any of your categories, and if I wrote an article mocking her for remaining single until death that basically suggested that all single women were whores or crazy, I wonder how many angry women would be tearing me apart in the comment section? Why am I reading articles like this?
The simple answer is usually the best one: boredom, and curiosity about what the other half talks about when I’m not around. PS: Incidentally, being judgmental and tearing down people who are different than you by mocking them doesn’t or make you look like a better person; even if you thinly disguise your envy and hate as a light hearted joke. The rest of us see through what you are doing, and we pity your obvious leakinesses rather than admire your apparent strength.
Just saying. “…A psychological study decided there are two types of people when it comes to relationships. There are those who are happier and more fulfilled in a relationship. Then there are those who achieve the same level of satisfaction by being alone. The latter of these people would, at a time, be a misnomer in society.
People used to see them as not emotionally stable enough to maintain a relationship. But new studies show that this is not the case. These people are generally not the ones who will enter an ill-advised marriage. It is the people who don’t know how or who don’t want to be alone who land into bad relationships and then into the wrong marriage.
These people tend to be so overwhelmed by their need to be coupled, they lower their standards. Or even worse, they sugarcoat the person they are currently dating. This kind of solution may work in the short run when it comes to avoiding loneliness, but once married to the wrong person, the loneliness will begin to show itself again. The difference being that this time, it is not that easy to get out the relationship. It is not a simple case of breaking up and then moving on.
Divorce is not something anyone wants to go through. Therefore, you should avoid it at all costs. So, for those people who are relationship people, as tempting as it may be to settle, don’t do it. Resist the temptation and stick it out until the right person comes along…” “…People say there’s a formula for life. You may have heard you have to perform several steps in the correct order to be successful and happy.
These steps include going to school and getting good grades. Then going to a university and getting a degree. The next step is getting a job and meeting the perfect partner. After that, it’s getting married, buying a house and having kids.
And the final step is retiring at 60. This is the plan society lays out for everyone, yet it doesn’t fit everyone. Some people don’t like studying, while others don’t want to have kids. And then there are some people who just don’t want to get married. You might be tempted to say these people just haven’t found the right person. But that is giving in to a flawed model. Marriage is not for everyone. It’s as simple as that. You don’t have to get married to be happy. You don’t have to get married to be successful.
A person should get married only because they want to. A person should never be forced into marriage. If you are in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to get married, you have some thinking to do. Is it because this person doesn’t want to get married? Or is it because they don’t want to marry you? This may be a hard pill to swallow, but it is vital to ask the question. If they don’t believe in marriage, there may be other questions you need to ask.
Do you expect them to change their principles, or do you think you can change yours? Those aren’t realistic expectations…” Dated number 2 who had hints of number 3 and 1 (good job, good in bed knew all the right lines). I ended up leaving him after three years since i was unhappy, we still didn’t live together, our lives where entirely independant of each other, had still never met his mother didn’t look like it was on the horizon, only saw each other a couple of time a month and he never considered my time or feelings about things and flat out refused to let me plan even small dates.
It was always “things will be better next year, its not the right time” every year. I ended up concluding we where in love with a future that was never going to happen, not each other. Enjoy your new perpetual status as Romeo mate. I never said that I wanted to be a “perpetual Romeo”; you are merely jumping to a conclusion and assuming the worst because YOU decided to setttle for a disfunctional relationship with a man who was emotionally unavailable, rather than hold out for someone who was actually compatible with you (so you waisted two years of your life because you ere too weak to remin singlewhile yo waited for someone else).
That’s your mistake, mate, not mine. The writer of this is a complete fukwit who has obviously formed their view due to acute personel experiences, their negative personel experiences have most likely been a result of their acting like a fukwit from a very young age. This kind of person should not even be given reasons for conversation. Ov written some very dry and dark comedy before, this sounds like conviction, with no self reflection, which makes sense to the personality type who assumes they are perfect.
I dated a man who has never been married and has never had any children and never actually lived with women or had a long-term relationship I couldn’t figure out why untill the time the time came we decided to be sexually intimate and I found out he was sexually inadequate and infertile which put a damper on his self-esteemso he felt he was not worthy of true love and thought that no one could ever truly love him for this reason so his relationships were always kept at a distance for fear of being judged or unworthy
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