Black girls were asking me how to get a white man and white guys were telling me about their fear that no black girl wants them. Jesus, wake up! Most black women love white men and if you send me another email in which you complain that black girls don’t like white guys, I drive by your house and set your cat on fire. Or I send you a smiley fact with a link to this article that will take away your fear. 4. Online Dating is the Biggest Opportunity for Dating Black Women Do white guys like me? What will my friends and family think when I date outside my race? How do I react when people make fun of us?
If you’re one of the many , you understand what is so special about these strong women. They hold their head high, speak their mind, and they are more powerful than people give them credit for. Although we want to believe that the world is diversifying at a progressive rate, we won’t deny that interracial relationships are still relatively rare. Like other relationships, it isn’t always going to be a walk in the park and you’re going to have your ups and downs.
However, unlike other relationships, you are going to be presented with a bunch of new issues that don’t present themselves when white guys date white women. Here are some notes that you should be aware of now that you’ve decided to join the crowd of white guys dating black girls. Some are amusing, some are sad, and some… Well… They just make you scratch your head. 1. You’re considered a minority now, too.
Although you are a white guy, people will treat you a little bit differently because you are dating outside of your race. 2. People will not approve of your relationship. Despite it being 2016, there are going to be plenty of people who will openly disapprove of your relationship. Of course, you shouldn’t take it to heart and focus on who makes you happy, but it still doesn’t hurt any less when bigots feel it necessary to condemn you to hell simply because the love of your life has a darker skin tone than you.
3. Body parts do come in different colors. This means nether regions and the nips will be different colors! 4. Be prepared for talks of mixed raced children. For some reason, people will assume that it is okay to talk about your sex life and encourage you to procreate in the hopes of you producing a mixed child… Because, you know, mixed children are so much better than any other child.
5. Their hair. Apparently, one of the biggest topics people are concerned about their hair. You will be asked so many questions about their hair than you ever cared to discuss. 6. People will still stare. You will have to come to the realization that depending on where you are, people will stare at you and your lady loves like you are glorious unicorns.
7. Rude racial jokes. For some reason, people love making tasteless “you love your women like you love your coffee” jokes.
8. Interesting first meetings. If you’re meeting her friends for the first time or she’s meeting yours, unless you have “race-centric” names, people are going to be surprised when upon that first meeting. 9. You are congratulated for going the “exotic” route. For some strange reason, other white guys will praise you for dating an “exotic” (read: non-white) woman. 10. She will be accused of being a race traitor.
As much as you want to believe people will be accepting, members of the black community may accuse her of being a race traitor because she is choosing to be with you, rather than a black man.
11. People will serenade you. If you’ve never heard it before, you will become very familiar with the lyrics to “Ebony and Ivory.” 12. People will assume you’ve always liked black women. They may even go so far and assume that you also prefer them to white women.
13. You’ll be given a membership card. No, not really, but when you see other interracial couples, you can look at them knowingly as though you are a member of a secret society. 14. You’re going to stand out. Again, even though it is 2016, you will probably the only one in your social circle who is in an interracial relationship.
15. You will probably feel embarrassed at least once by your friends. Whether it is intentional or not, your friends and maybe even family will embarrass you with a mildly racist joke while in the presence of your girlfriend. 16. You will have to know case law from decades ago. People will assume that you know when interracial marriage was legalized (Hint: it was in 1967).
17. You’ll be told that it isn’t a big deal. When you’re in the company of your friends who are in the same race relationship, if you try to explain the unique situations you face, they will probably downplay it and say that those issues aren’t a big deal.
Author: Alex Reddle – online dating specialist. He got his Psychological degree at Kent State University. He specializes in the subject of Interpersonal relationships, love, finding a partner. He likes to study human behavior and ways of communication. Being Chief Editor of Flirt.com blog he has conducted a big research in this sphere.
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I'll start off by saying that I don't intend for this article to speak for all white women/men or all black men/women. I exclusively dated white men for many years prior to very recently entering the interracial dating scene. This is new territory for me, but I think it speaks volumes that I've already discovered that it comes with certain stereotypes attached. These are some of the stereotypes I've witnessed, along with things people have actually said to me, or things I've read online.
I'm going to attempt to address and dispel these stereotypes surrounding white women who date black men: 1. We're not all fat. According to this , black men go after overweight white women because they have less options, so they take what they can get. Not that celebrities are always accurate depictions of regular people, but a handful of the Kardashians prove this stereotype to be false. It also could just be that black men appreciate women who don't have a certain body type.
If the argument is that overweight white women go after black men because they can't get with white men, this demeans black men by insinuating that they are not as desirable as white men. 2. We don't all have daddy issues. I had a white guy tell me that “7.5 times out of 10, a white girl that's into black guys has very deep rooted daddy issues." What evidence there is to prove this, I don't know.
I happen to have a very good relationship with my father. I've always been a "Daddy's Girl" and I would never intentionally date a specific race in an attempt to “lash out" at either of my parents. While it's true that a woman is more likely to date and marry someone who to her father, it's also true that she'll choose a life partner who shares the as her father.
So perhaps color doesn't matter in this case, as long as a woman can find someone who treats her well. 3. We're not trying to prove that we're not racist. By dating a black man, we don't think that's an extension of “I have black friends, therefore I'm not racist." If we were racist, we wouldn't be dating a black guy in the first place.
Who can really keep up appearances for that long just to prove a point? 4. We don't think that we're better than black girls. Yes, it's true that OKCupid did a that showed that black women are less likely to get responses from any race, including black men. This doesn't mean that white girls who date black guys think that they're above black women.
This is not to say that white privilege doesn't exist, it just means that white women don't think they can automatically get a black guy just by virtue of being white.
Nor are white women trying to take anything away from black women. A white friend of mine who was dating a black guy in school (who is now her husband) says that she was quick to experience pushback, when she would hear things such as “she's taking our good men!" being said about her.
There are plenty of black men who exclusively date black women and in those cases, white women don't have any sort of edge. Just because society has identified whiteness as some sort of marker of success doesn't mean that white women view themselves as an “upgrade" for black men. 5. It's not just a fetish. No, we are not all just trying to see if the rumors about black men are true; there are websites for that.
6. We're not trying to rebel against society. Interracial marriages were only legalized in the United States 50 years ago, which means that when a black man and white woman walk down the street holding hands in certain parts of the country, they are still going to get glared at. I had another white guy tell me that interracial sex is bestiality and that interracial marriage is against the Bible (in 2017! Can you believe that?!) Sure, it's fun to piss redneck, Confederate flag waving, Fox News watching racists off, but dating is too much effort for that to be the only perk.
We know that there will always be people who will never accept interracial relationships and while we enjoy making those people squirm with discomfort, our dating preference is not a statement to change their narrow minds. 7. We haven't all had bad experiences with white men. Of course, it's possible that a white woman had a traumatic experience with a white man, which makes her look to other races for love and stability in a relationship; but, this is not always the case.
In my eight years of dating white men, I've had equally good and bad experiences, but there was not one single event that made me decide that I'm no longer into white men. Sometimes people just get bored of dating the same race and want to explore, especially if they grew up in a town that was predominantly one race.
And sometimes you surprise yourself and end up being attracted to someone you never thought you would be because they're not traditionally your “type." My white friend who is married to a black man said, “it's just him I fell in love with.
If he was green, I'd still love him!" 8. We don't think that we're too good for white guys. There's this stereotype that white women who date black guys are trying to “show off" or to make white men jealous of black men. Interracial dating is not revenge dating. Plus, all the males in my family are white and I have nothing but respect for them, so how can I think I'm better than them?
The same goes for black men; their mothers and sisters are black, so they shouldn't think they are above black women by dating white women. 9. We don't think black men are easier to get. Black people make up of the American population, which means there are roughly 21.5 million black men living in America. Cut that number in half to account for the black children, now that's 10.75 million.
Consider all the gay/transgender black men, now we're down to about 9.75 million. But all those 9.75 million black men have to be single, within a certain age range, emotionally available and meet your standards. By the time you factor in the married men, fathers, or the elderly, you have a pool of black men less than the size of New York City spread out over 50 states. Trust me, if we wanted easy, we would not be dating minorities.
These are just some observations I've made and they obviously do not apply to every interracial dating situation. I always knew that race was a problem in America, but I didn't (and still don't fully) realize the intricacies of it and how deeply it extends to dating culture.
Dating outside of my race has opened my eyes to how much work we still have to do as a society to combat racism, both blatant and masked. And when it comes to all of the different relationship scenarios contextualized by the holidays, I've been through it all.
During high school, I've experienced the cliché yet romantic New Years kiss before, naively thinking "Wow. The person I'm starting my year with is the same person I'll end my year with too" only to eventually get dumped via text right before the school's winter dance and Christmas.
During my junior year in college, I went on what I'd like to call a double date baecation (and yes, I meant baecation instead of vacation) right before Christmas.
This year for Christmas I'll be in New York with one of my best friends getaway girl's trip which will probably result in getting drunk at Times Square and reminiscing about all the interesting things that have happened in our love lives specifically over the holidays. I could go on and on with different stories to explain myself, but these relatable moments about love as told by these 7 popular holiday episodes should do the trick.
Riverdale’s “Silent Night, Deadly Night” Sometimes telling someone you love them can be the ultimate nerve-wracking experience. You may find that even if the one you love tells you first that they love you, you'll still find that those words are hard to express until the perfect setting and time arises. As seen in the clip, Veronica uses a simplistic gesture to tell Archie those special three, groundbreaking words.
The Office’s “Christmas Party” Jim giving Pam a special teapot for Christmas came in 5th (3:28-4:13) on MsMojo's video of their cutest moments. The aspect of Jim's preparation that a lot of people may resonate with is that when it comes to the holidays, we do our best to find the people we love the perfect gifts. Some of us may spend hours online or in stores finding the most expensive material goods for our loved ones and others take Jim's approach and spend a lot of time coming up with something creative and original such as a teapot full of their inside jokes.
That 70s Show’s “Hyde’s Christmas Rager” Being single during the holidays sucks sometimes. You may not even be the type of person who finds themselves in and out of relationships much, but having that special someone during the holiday season definitely ads some spice to the festivities. Jackie Burkhart explains it best that even when you're completely in love with yourself, sometimes you just want to french kiss someone underneath the mistletoe to fulfill the loneliness.
Gossip Girl’s “Roman Holiday” Serena went above and beyond to find a Christmas-themed way to have sex with Dan for the first time. Though a lot of us haven't thought about completely transforming an empty room into the Christmas fantasy setting for sexy time, we have rushed to Victoria's Secret to find ourselves or our partner's the best Christmas lingerie we can find to make sex all the more festive.
Glee’s “A Very Glee Christmas” People tend to focus on the highs of love during the holidays while ignoring the down-side. Anyone who has ever had a breakup around Christmas-time can attest to the fact that it overshadows all of the gifts and family time because the only two things you want to do is cry or try to get them back.
Rachel's attempt to shop for Christmas trees with her off and on boyfriend, Finn, backfires when he finally sets the record straight and officially dumps her, leaving her heartbroken. The OC’s “The Countdown” The OC's New Years episode is the perfect representation of when your New Years kiss is either romantic and everything you've ever wanted or the exact opposite.
This classic scene shows Ryan rushing to Marissa as she patiently and anxiously waits for him all night at a party. When he finally shows up just before the clock strikes midnight, they share a passionate kiss to start the brand new year. On the other hand, Summer, Marissa's best friend, isn't so lucky. Summer ends up kissing a random guy at the party, but she quickly realizes that the person she truly wants is her ex-boyfriend, Seth Cohen.
Friends’ “The One With All The Resolutions” Chandler and Monica want to have the perfect New Years kiss, but because of the secrecy of their relationship, they let Joey concoct a plan to make it happen for them in a covert way. Though the holidays may sound like the best excuse to go public with your relationship, it's still not the nest time for some people for multiple reasons.
In Chandler and Monica's case, it's because they are all in the same friend group and they don't want to make things awkward. In the case of others, it could simply be that you're not ready for your family to be in your business about that yet or you don't want to put too much pressure on the relationship before it has a chance to bloom.
Either way, we can only hope that things work out for our favor in the end just like it did for Chandler and Monica. We all want to know the answer to this question. When you first get together with someone new, everything is bright and shiny and exciting.
But then, something about a past relationship comes up and suddenly you feel caught. You don't know how much you should say and how much you need to keep to yourself.
Some romantic partners come off as really jealous and possessive, which might force you to maybe withhold more information than you intended too. Others seem to want to know every little detail. Navigating this is hard, and unfortunately, there's no way around it.
So, how much do you tell your partner about your past loves? The answer is really more simple than we think. You tell them only as much as you're comfortable with.
That's it. That's the answer. No relationship can work without trust, and when it comes to spilling out all of the secrets and memories of previous relationships, that's not always the easiest thing to do.
The best solution is to take your time and tell them what you want to tell them when you feel as though the time is right. There is no need to force the conversation, and you should never let your partner force you into telling them anything. In a previous relationship, I was with someone who came off as sweet and charming but was really insecure. He demanded to know every little detail of what had happened with the boyfriend before him, even though there was about a year in between the two relationships.
His prying and forcefulness actually broke us up. Though we ended up getting back together, it was hard to forget the uncomfortable feeling that I got whenever he said my ex's name and asked questions. He made it almost impossible to share and I actually started to feel ashamed of my memories. So I started giving vague details and keeping the rest to myself.
In all honesty, I no longer felt like sharing. Every time he would ask another question and a new minuscule detail would come up, he would jump at me and tell me that I had lied to him, that I wasn't being entirely honest. It was terrible, and it just about broke my trust in our relationship. That's just not the way that things should be.
You tell what you're okay with talking about. When talking to someone who loves and respects you, the words will flow in their own time. Now, I have no problem telling my significant other stories about who I was with. He trusts that I will tell him what he needs to know and now we just laugh about it. When you tell someone that respects you, it makes a world of difference. There is no more feeling uncomfortable or like you have anything that you need to hide because at the end of the day, they are your memories.
What happened in the past, is the past and there's no reason to ever let that hinder your future.
The Nightly Show - Panel - Black Women & Dating